Lemon Bella writes:
Indian Skimmer and I went to see all three days of the South African tour match against Somerset. We hate the ground at Taunton, it’s rubbish. It’s only picturesque if you look at it from a certain angle, and not once did we see anyone with a cream tea. Also, every time we’ve been to Taunton someone has had to be ejected for being a moron. In our heads, Taunton equals morons.
Day one started well because at Plymouth station we saw a man barred from travelling because he had a live lobster in a box. The woman behind the counter had to ring head office to check and apparently he’d have been fine if he’d had a rabbit or a cat, but not a lobster.
At the ground we ate several homemade pecan brownies for lunch, each one containing our recommended daily intake of saturated fat. Obligingly, Jacques Kallis then came out to bat so we could have a bit of a nap to work off the brownies. Later on, we saw Mark Boucher giving Neil McKenzie a head massage on the balcony. Either that or he was checking him for nits.
On day two we managed to finish three Kakuro puzzles before the train pulled into Taunton. This is a record. Then a man walked past our seats and stole the coffee stirrer we’d left on the table. This was a shame as we still had things to stir.
We spent the day attempting to take photos of Morne Morkel with our fancy new camera but he was too fast. We have a lot of high resolution pictures of his back foot and the bowling crease, though, so we know it’s a good camera.
On day three we got distracted from ordering food (pasty, cheese and onion, not too bad) at the kiosk because Dale Steyn walked past carrying a plate of sandwiches. The kiosk attendant had to shout to get our attention. She gave us a look that suggested this had happened a lot.
The drunken louts sitting behind us were as drunken and loutish on the third day as they had been on the others, but with the added attraction that they’d removed their shirts. They attempted to heckle the South Africans but Neil McKenzie heckled back. In our opinion, Neil McKenzie won that battle because not only was he fully clothed at the time, but also his heckle made grammatical sense.