Kemar Roach didn’t break Ricky Ponting’s elbow, but Ponting must have been mainlining milk for the past six years for that not to happen. He’s David Dunn to Nasser Hussain’s Mr Glass.

Kemar Roach bowls at 90-95mph and when he learns that he should bowl with the wind instead of against it, even Ponting will be in danger of the odd fracture.

You’ve got to love Roach. ‘Do you want to open the batting?’ should elicit the same response as ‘Would you like some company?’ or ‘Do you think you’ve had enough to drink?’

Kemar Roach makes opening the batting as unpleasant as it’s supposed to be – as unpleasant as life in general.