Virat Kohli ran out Joe Root and then he did a good thing and then he did a bad thing

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Joe Root getting run out (via Sky Sports)

We don’t know if the following is fair or not. You could probably prove it one way or the other using ‘statistics’ or ‘facts’. It certainly feels true though and if modern politics tells us anything, it’s that what feels true is of far greater significance that what actually is true.

What we feel is this: that Virat Kohli has always been very much a ’10/10 for effort’ kind of fielder.

Just like all the great fielders, Kohli dives around a lot; but unlike all the great fielders, he also seems to quite often throw the ball nowhere near the stumps.

What Kohli does do extremely well is he follows up all of his fielding efforts – both good and bad – with a very intense facial expression. This is designed to convey his unparalleled determination and commitment and gives people a way to say ‘ooh, good effort’ because everyone loves a trier.

(We suffered the grave misfortune of watching one of England’s football world cup games in a pub, surrounded by the kinds of people who watch England world cup games in pubs. Let us tell you now that no-one in the world admires triers more than those guys. They will barely bat an eyelid at beautifully-weighted pass, but give them a full-blooded tackle and a scruffy hoof-out-for-a-corner and they’ll roar their approval at deafening volume.)

Halfway through the first day of the first Test between England and India, Virat Kohli ran out Joe Root with a really good turn and throw. We’ve no idea how much we should recalibrate our Kohli fielding expectations based on this development.

By way of celebration, Kohli mimed a ‘mic drop’, in reference to Root’s embarrassing move at the end of the one-day series, and then said “fuck off”.

This move was, in our opinion, perfectly justified. You don’t dismissively drop your bat/mic after hitting a hundred and winning a series to underline your superiority over the opposition without those people feeling some sort of need to tell you to fuck off a little further down the line.

After the mic drop/fuck off move, Kohli then went for the finger-to-lips ‘shush’ move and, in our opinion, this was not justified – if only because the ‘shush’ move is never justified. The ‘shush’ move falls into the same category as wagging your finger at someone to indicate that they are in some way incorrect.


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  1. I really enjoyed watching the Channel 5 highlights last night. How delightful to have Test cricket back on our lives, with the prospect of a full, close series ahead.

  2. The whole mic drop thing felt out of character for Root anyway so he had it coming to him. Cue Kohli to score 150 in the first innings, mic drop himself as he doesn’t do things by halves – including one suspects rubbing his opponents noses in it at every opportunity.

    1. because of just one run, I’m still an athiest as Virat Kohli scored 149, not 150. You would be a great God on the planet Mars.

  3. I’m a bit worried Kohli has peaked a little too early in all this. It’s only day one of a possible twenty five, after all. How will he sustain this effort through the remainder of the series, let alone ramp it up?

    It reminds me of a Spitting Image sketch where David Coleman is commentating on a race, misjudges the laps and rises to a Colemanesque crescendo on what he thinks is the approach to the finishing line but is actually the bell for the final lap, a crescendo from which he cannot descend and which is unsustainable and which results in his (puppet) head literally exploding half way down the back straight.

    I’m not saying that is going to happen to Kohli, but you never know. What if he happens to run out Root again in the second innings?

    1. Frank Skinner tells a similar story about a club singer starting too high when singing I Love You Baby. Everyone was very excited to see what would happen when he got to the chorus, which is where it really goes up. The fella pointed the mic at the crowd, inviting them to sing it.

  4. Curran took three!
    Then Stokes took two!

    With the ball wobbling all over the place and India doing likewise, just imagine if England had another couple of halfway decent swing bowlers to bring into the attack.

    There will be a Spiderman somewhere in this story, there has to be.

      1. Hang on, India don’t have any half-decent slip fielders. England are just being fair.

  5. Is it too early to name Malan India’s man of the match? His net score for this game isn’t going to look too clever.

    1. Man of the series, more like. Kohli is now In Form In England, and with the weather like it is and England planning two spinners for Lord’s, I don’t think he’ll be coming out again in a hurry.

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