We’re lying about the Ashes already

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< 1 minute read

But only by accident. Yesterday we wrote about the reception England used to get upon arriving Australia for Cricinfo; how they’d be rubbished in print and beaten in the warm-up matches. Our point was that this didn’t happen any more.

But lo, England have had quite an embarrassing day against a Western Australia Chairman’s XI with their three lanky seam bowlers (who we said would be fine in that article) going for plenty and mustering just one wicket between them.

We also note that Burt Cockley is playing. It would seem he didn’t become an inexplicable obsession of ours, despite our floating the possibility back in 2009.


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  1. Glorious comment by Donna Cockley at the end of that Burt Cockley piece King linked to, from about two months after :

    “all right all you wannbes beware for that was my baby bros pic hes tall hes fast hes georgous and hes ready to bowl the crap out of any dick who stands in front of him with a bat try your luck poms cause hes got more talent in his big toe than any of you wannabes”

    Well, quite.

    1. Indeed – I’ve got hardly any talent in my big toe, that’s probably why I never made it at the highest (or indeed any) level.

    2. Spit.

      All those decades trying and failing to perform at cricket by training up my pinkie toe. Wrong bloody toe.

      Why didn’t I think of that and switch to the big toe while there was still time?

    3. I’d love to see someone gripping a bat with their big toe and spank it around to all parts. Doing a handstand and using the big toe as a “spinning finger” would be pretty impressive too.

  2. We’re supposed to get stuffed in the warm-ups. It’s tradition. And it doesn’t matter a jot. That’s why the best players are resting.

  3. Except in the old days England was smashed by blokes with 100+ games and 50+ averages who still couldn’t make the test side. Yesty yous got smashed by Towers (who?) Allenby (golfer?) and the wrong Ashton.

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