2013 County Championship – chapter 12

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< 1 minute read

It’s worth squeezing in a wedger of a County Championship update, what with Durham having won the title and all. They have 10 wins and two draws from 15 matches and completely deserve their damp September glory.

These aren’t necessarily final standings. Most teams still have a match and a bit to play.

1st – Durham

Against Derbyshire, Durham secured a narrow 27-run first innings lead. Then they bowled Derbyshire out for 63. Unsurprisingly, they won that match. Equally unsurprisingly, Graham Onions took nine wickets. This week, they bowled Nottinghamshire out for 78 after losing the toss and while they were at one point 45-5 in reply, Paul Collingwood and Phil Mustard got them up to 256. Still no surprises – they won that match too and hence took the title.

2nd – Yorkshire

Drew with Sussex after conceding 333-3 in the second innings, with hundreds for Chris Nash and Rory Hamilton-Brown.

3rd – Middlesex

Drew with Nottinghamshire, largely because it hammered it down at Lord’s. Steven Mullaney scored a hundred opening for Nottinghamshire. Chris Rogers did the same opening for Middlesex.

In summary

Durham are best. That fact probably would have come across better in these updates had we actually bothered writing them during the Ashes. As it was, we didn’t bother and therefore accurately reflected the true experience of trying to follow the County Championship.


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  1. This could well be the most underwhelming read in the entire multiverse. You’ve outdone yourself, KC.

    1. Obviously he would throw back his head and let fly a huge, bestial roar, after which he would presumably bellow something unintelligible at the hapless Count Cricket.

      I admire his restraint. I admire him.

  2. What has happened to our sport?

    The players were comparing their Xmas gift lists.

    Fans were turning up in cast off clothing from the Perfect Storm in order to be still alive when the 96th over was bowled.

    Talksport, whose regularly weekly cricket show finished ONE MONTH ago suddenly started reporting Durham’s final innings in almost ball by ball detail like a wayward father who suddenly tells the world about his gifted child.

    The schedulers have managed to have matches played while Week 1 of the Champions League is on; maybe with the changes next year, we’ll have LVCC games going on ALL winter with Durham’s final defence of this season’s title going on into the one after next and coiniciding with the 2015 CL Final?

    I continue to submerge myself in the world of Playfair Cricket Monthly where the game was played in black and whire, matches took place at out grounds like Moreton-in-Marsh, Courtaulds and Harrogate and Neville Cardus wrote about players who refused to use their first names and were referred to only by their initials.

    Not a helmet, high five or 12th man dressed like a luminous Motorway worker in sight.

    And yes, Sam (if you’re reading), I’ve already submitted this appeal to the Telegraph for inclusion in their World’s Greatest problem list alongside the one about the dwindling and often inappropriate use of the toast rack.

  3. Further to your point about Surrey yesterday, “wear ether EY” looks very much like being a 2nd division hashtag by tonight, following a day of tense negotiations.

    But you know how cricket is always looking for ways to increase the level of spectator interest, maybe the crowd could be allowed to watch the negotiations as they happen. There could be a small table placed half way down the pitch, with two chairs, one red, one blue. The two negotiating teams would be kept outside the circle. Individual players are free to be able to sneak up on their opponents to listen in if they can, but only in disguise. If they’re caught the catching side must shout “Who’s that Spy!”, and then guess who it is with their eyes shut, from clues shouted out by the wicket keeper (who is allowed to look in a distorting mirror at the captured player). If correctly named, the player won’t be allowed to bat during the negotiated innings.

    When a team has a proposal the captain takes one of the seats, but only the captain in the blue chair is allowed to actually make a proposal. The red chair can only respond. So there could be a race to grab the blue chair, and once a captain has it he would be reluctant to give it up. This would mean that if he needed help from his team, they’d have to shout, which would be a significant disadvantage in the negotiating process.

  4. Durham were best and Onions was yet again their best bowler so the best bowler in the best side in the County Championship. He is of course not in the international teams because…….?

    a) he doesn’t shave enough
    b) he takes too many wickets
    c) his name reminds one of sausages (and bacon)
    d) other (please give details)

    1. d) other. Onions walks a bit “John Wayne” bandy.

      Long time no see, SixSixEight. Congrats on a great season for Durham.

  5. Durham winning on a budget of about £50. Rather impressed with them, even more than their back-to-back wins a few seasons back.

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