2013 County Championship – the final chapter

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Let’s wrap things up. As ever, all fixtures and team names may be incorrect. The writer accepts no responsibility for factual accuracy.

1st – Durham

Having won the County Championship, Durham promptly lost to Sussex.

2nd – Yorkshire

Yorkshire beat Middlesex with a young scamp by the name of Ryan Sidebottom setting them on the path to victory with 4-27. We remember when Sidebottom was the most important part of England’s attack. It was 2009; the nation was rocking to the sounds of Kanye West, Lady Gaga and Chipmunk; Gordon Brown was Prime Minister; and Hole in the Wall disappeared from our screens. Memorable times. Gary Ballance hit 90 in that match. No-one else got past 66.

Yorkshire also drew with Surrey. That man Ballance made a first innings hundred before 18-year-old Domnic Sibley made 242 alongside the rather better-known Hashim Amla, who made 151. It’s impressive to think that Surrey have contrived to get relegated after fielding Graeme Smith, Ricky Ponting and Hashim Amla at various points in the season. Ballance then saved Yorkshire with 108 not out. He’s bloody effective. The only worry is that he bats at number six for Yorkshire, which is a pretty sheltered spot in county cricket.

3rd – Sussex

As was mentioned above, they beat Durham, which secured them a podium position. James Anyon took 5-44 and finished with 50 wickets for the season. Chris Jordan took 4-50 and finished with 59, behind only Tim Murtagh (60), team-mate Steve Magoffin (63) and Graham Onions (a ludicrous 70, despite only playing 12 matches). Keaton Jennings and Michael Richardson scored hundreds in Durham’s second, more successful, innings, but Sussex still managed to score 297 to win with Chris Nash making 108.

The next chapter

Might do a statistical round-up if it means we don’t have to try and think of something to say about the Champions League for another day. Anticipate a whole series of crimes against factuality should we attempt such a thing.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. Is it over then?

    And such a shame they didn’t make it to Christmas.

    No final round matches played with pink balls back out in Barbados or Cape Town?

    Then again, nnot long ’til the pre-season training / tours begin and the MCC / Durham match is played in that outpost of seething support for the LVCC, Dubai.

    Well done, KC, for keeping us informed and up to date with the LVCC.

    PS Has the residency qualification now gone completely for County players or did that happen back in 1985 and I missed it? Then again, maybe Jos Butler has a Grandma from Denton?

  2. I always find these end-of-season odd results rather life-affirming. A brief glance at the teams suggests it wasn’t a wholesale dropping of star players that muddied the waters. And no player walks onto any sports pitch without a conscious intention to perform as highly as possible. So if it’s not talent and it’s not conscious effort, it must be the other bit, the subconscious drive, that makes the difference between top performance and less-than-top performance. There’s little doubt that if Durham had needed to win, they would have won. That’s what makes them champions.

    The reason this is good news is that this means my lack of success at professional cricket, professional rugby league, F1 motor racing and darts is entirely NOT MY FAULT. It isn’t that I never practiced, trained, or listened to anything any coach ever said. It’s my bloody subconscious, not offering full support to my otherwise superlative efforts.

    1. Good point. In their final match of the season, against Lancashire, Kent had nothing to play for. They proceeded to chase down 418 to win, Darren Stevens hitting an unbeaten 205 off 218 balls. Absence of pressure can sometimes make players relax and enjoy themselves.

  3. So this is done, yes? You won’t go around foolishly writing up what these young upstarts these days call a ‘statistical round-up’ or some such, yes? I mean, you really *are* done, yes? So I won’t come here tomorrow to find something like Gareth Dicktucker scored 347 at an average of 47.3 in all second innings, or some such nonsense, yes?

    I mean, I thoroughly enjoyed this series and all that, btw.

    1. Gareth Dicktucker sounds like a promising prospect. Would he be open to an offer from Warwickshire?

    2. We’re absolutely doing a statistical round-up. You can’t stop us. And you HAVE to read it.

      We’re not even going to put any jokes in, because we wouldn’t want to dilute the statistics.

  4. This is completely off topic, not even cricket, but I get the feeling that it might appeal to some people here, philosophically speaking. Cricket has a certain pace to it, and when it’s done properly that pace is somewhere between slow and pedestrian. This makes the moments of abrupt change vastly more exciting and intense.

    The test cricket of music is a piece by John Cage called As Slow As Possible. I think he meant to call it As Slowly As Possible, but he was an American so he’d never heard of adverbs. It’s designed to be played as slowly as possible. This seems proper to me. Why rush things? Why cram a cricket match into half a day when it naturally takes five days? Things should be allowed to flow at their natural [lack of] speed. A typical performance of ASLSP lasts about an hour, but several performances have been allowed to stretch to over 10 hours long, and one over 24 hours long. There’s currently a performance ongoing in a small German church.

    On Saturday, this actual Saturday, there will be a change of note!

    This will be the first change of note since July last year (the performance began in 2001 with a 17-month rest, a model start to any project). The next note change will be in 2020, so don’t miss this one whatever you do. We’re having a do at our house to celebrate, although cynics might point to the Super League Grand Final as the actual reason a bunch of Wiganers are turning up for a party. Anyway, if you do miss it, be sure to catch up with other note changes before the performance ends in 2640.

    On Sunday, you can relax again.

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