An Ashes win equals big money

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< 1 minute read

You’re an England player. You’ve won the Ashes. You get in touch with your agent:

“Commercial opportunities. What have you got for me?”

Your agent’s silent a minute and you can hear him shuffling some papers on his desk.

“Hello. Are you there? Commercial opportunities. What have you got?”

Your agent clears his throat and says: “Er… belts?”

One of these two cricketers was MADE to model things that hold up your trousers - imagine if they let him loose with braces

Matt Prior clearly did some DAMN GOOD WORK on this photo shoot, but Stuart Broad seems to be a rank amateur, so they made him say some stuff as well:

“I absolutely love the Druh Belts range and the colours are just amazing. They’re perfect to wear on a casual night out with jeans or with chinos and a jacket for a more formal look that is just a bit different.”

Everyone loves chino-friendly belts.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Hmmmm, what to do with 10 Stuart Broads? I can’t decide between putting 5 of them in our ODI top 6 batting line-up or just strategically placing all 10 around Old Trafford, each holding a corner of a large tarpaulin to shelter the pitch from rain.

  2. I like to think of myself as a thinking-woman, however, under no circumstances does this make Matt Prior my type of cricketer.

    No Circumstances.

  3. It his pose, not himself as an individual. He’s posing as a thinking-woman’s cricketer.

    I could pose as a super-model, or Admiral Adama, it doesn’t make me either.

    He’s clearly not pulling off the pose. Maybe he should go for Broad’s more truncheon-juggling look.

  4. If you were Admiral Adama you wouldn’t need to do a special pose. Just the fact that you’re in charge of a giant spaceship would be enough to impress the girls – thinking or otherwise.

    Matt Prior should go for a pose that involves a bag over his head. That would work for him.

  5. Lemon Bella you have just given me enormous hope. I always assumed Battlestar Galactica and being attractive to women was mutually exclusive!

  6. Stuart Broad is wearing my primary school’s uniform. Except for that belt, which would be unnacceptable and result in a trip to the principal’s office.

  7. Thank you Ceci. I am terrified by the No.14 Cylon who are clearly a Stuart-Broad-modelling-belt model.

    And i always hoped it’d be my girlfriend. It would have explained more.

  8. Oh, I’d quite forgotten how brilliant this was.

    “I just love the colours”? Colours shown; black, white. Whoa there.

  9. Right Said Fred have let themselves go.

    I thought about going with Eurythmics, or the Pet Shop Boys. I still feel there’s a better alternative out there. But I’m not going to get upset about it.

    1. You do realise that further up the page we’ve written: “Erasure are looking rough these days”?

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