Ben Hilfenhaus is quietly impressive

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< 1 minute read

It's German for 'Ben Hilfenhouse'Midway through yesterday’s play, there was a strange, unholy sound in our front room. We eventually concluded that an Australian was trying to communicate with us.

After concealing all sleeves from sight so that it didn’t get distressed, we eventually managed to deduce what it was trying to tell us. It transpired that it was impressed by two things:

  1. That Lara Bingle can talk and sit at the same time. It didn’t think The Bingle had this capacity.
  2. Ben Hilfenhaus’s bowling.

We agreed on both counts.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Careful KC – its strung two sentences together. Its all downhill from here.

  2. He would be even more impressive if he could learn how to shave his facial hair every day.

  3. As “Hilfen” in German means “help” or “relief”, his surname is some sort of relief house. Commonly known as a toilet.

  4. No problem with facial hair, 668.

    No problem with “Hilfenhaus’s” as a possessive, Eldershot.

    Problem with England’s performance c/w Australia’s performance in this test so far.

    Problem with the concept of Lara Bingle. I’d never even heard of her until this posting came along, curse you KC.

  5. I was always told that the only two s-ending names that didn’t get the apostrophe-s added were Jesus and Moses. I was never told why.

    Re: Lara Bingle. Why do you want her to talk?

  6. she needs to talk so you can realise that she’s or-strar-leee-en and is, therefore, not to be allowed to breed.

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