Pakistan’s pretty impressive attack

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< 1 minute read

“They are a pretty impressive attack,” said Marcus Trescothick after Somerset played Pakistan. He had plenty of time to assess the bowlers’ worth because he scored a hundred.

The fact that he is 40 and now bats in glasses due to his deteriorating vision shouldn’t in any way be held against the tourists, because age and eyesight really haven’t made much of a dent. Marcus Trescothick still warrants the description ‘pretty impressive’ himself. He’ll still be able to make hundreds against international opposition when his hearing’s gone and he can’t hear his partner’s calls, while his lack of footwork means that he’ll still be able to punch out that odd, motionless drive after knee replacements.

Can we still call him Banger? It seems a strange name for a middle-aged man. But then it seems ever-so-slightly strange that age should afflict his body without any apparent impact on his ability. Maybe somewhere there’s a painting of a skinny, surprisingly youthful-looking 40-year-old Trescothick whose skills have completely deserted him.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. Marcus Trescothick,
    Makes me sick;
    His talent simply refuses to become regressive,
    Which is pretty impressive.

    (It’s been a while since anyone posted a Clerihew around here).

    1. We get the strangest reader complaints on this website. Great that they step in themselves to resolve these problems though.

  2. Ged
    That the clerihew was dead
    But on the contrary it was not dead instead

  3. Would a guy with a nickname like “Banger” appreciate the gentle art of poetry?

    Or would he hit it very hard with a big wooden stick?

  4. Ravi Jadeja
    Is not one for a wager.
    When he needs cash,
    He charges for photos of him twirling his moustache.

  5. You’ve got it correct, s-
    Aying that Middlesex
    Are at the top of the table
    Although their margin of top-ness is somewhat unstable.

    1. As a Clerihew purist, I feel bound to point out that the correct form is to base the poem around someone’s name and for the first line of the poem to be (or at least centre on) that name.

      Wrote a poem that was rather queer;
      Attempting a Clerihew word play,
      Without even so much as a sobriquet.

      1. Apologies Ged et al. As you know my speciality is limericks. I feel like I’ve come unstuck by a lack of focus. Following this poor run of clerihew form, I need to start at the bottom and build my way back up.

        There once was a team named Yorkshire
        Who, with performance exceedingly dire,
        Lost against Middlesex, and one slightly suspects
        That they may not get out of this mire.

        There we go. With the basics now in place, let’s have another try:

        Toby Roland-Jones
        Rolled like a pile of stones
        Over Yorkshire, making sure their demolition was thorough
        At Scarborough.

        Much better.

      2. That Yorkshire-dire rhyme really doesn’t work in our accent.

        It’s like that day we and two friends spent an hour trying to decipher a written “Bath Simpson” joke.

      3. It doesn’t really work in the Southern accent either – “shire” is the unstressed syllable, so it’s more a short version of “sheer”.

        I claim poetic license.

  6. A shout out for Bert and his fine effort:

    Might be feeling a trifle hurt;
    Since no-one has recently penned a Clerihew shoutin’,
    About ‘im.

    1. Marcus Trescothick,
      Was impressed with Pakistani quicks;
      Batting against them in glasses is quite a story,
      But not as good as bowling in glasses like Daniel Vettori.

      In a comment said;
      ‘It’s been a while since we had a Clerihew’
      So other commenters provided a few.

      1. Danny V
        Found it hard to see
        But still took 2-41
        In pretty much every ODI he’s done.

        AP Webster
        Is a bastard to rhyme with anything.

      2. For Balladeer:

        Webster, AP
        (If you’ll forgive me)
        Is not difficult to rhyme
        If you just take the time.

  7. Mike
    Does not like
    When there are people all around displaying that quality he so clearly lacks, namely wit

Comments are closed.