< 1 minute readNo Mike Yardy for England’s World Cup opener against the Netherlands? Are they saving him for later in the tournament? Maybe he’s being remoulded as a secret weapon. Although if that’s the case, he’s not very weapon-like. He seems like something altogether more functional, like a spanner or a screwdriver.
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Kevin Pietersen as an opener in one-day cricket?
< 1 minute readYeah? Maybe? Dunno really. England have long known that one-day openers are better off being twat-it-around batsmen. They haven’t fully embraced this though. They tend to pick their second or third best twat-it-around batsman for the job. Preferably the wicketkeeper. Why not do the job properly? If you want a
Continue readingEngland ABSOLUTELY MURDER Canada by 16 runs
< 1 minute read“Avril Lavigne, Bryan Adams, Celine Dion, Alanis Morissette, The Crash Test Dummies. “Shania Twain, can you hear me? Shania Twain, your boys took a hell of a beating.” Sometimes England are so good at one-day cricket it’s physically painful just thinking about it.
Continue readingEngland heroes for the 2011 Cricket World Cup
2 minute readIf you’re English, your heroes shouldn’t be talented or eye-catching. Being English is about celebrating the people who really don’t seem like they should be doing something, but are doing it anyway and are doing it well. Here are the official King Cricket heroes for the 2011 World Cup. These
Continue readingAre you happy with Ravi Bopara being in England’s World Cup squad?
2 minute readWe are. We’d rather have Eoin Morgan, but if he’s got a knackered finger, we’ll settle for Bopara. This is a somewhat unfashionable opinion at the minute and we’re pretty sure it’s because of that phenomenon where Ashes performances are almost wholly responsible for forming people’s opinions. In 2009, Ravi
Continue readingIf only there were an eighth one-day international between Australia and England
< 1 minute readWhat is the greatest mark of quality for any given one-day international? We’ve always thought that if a game features four wicketkeepers, that’s a pretty good sign. During the seventh one-day international between Australia and England, that dream was finally realised. In many ways, this match represented a high water
Continue readingAshes series were already too frequent
2 minute readWe’d like to add a slightly more sober footnote to our post from last Friday. We described back-to-back Ashes series as being ‘quite literally the worst idea of all time’. We stand by that and would like say that it’s actually the worst idea by an even greater margin that
Continue readingLiam Plunkett’s going to be eating highly compacted food served in square plastic dishes
< 1 minute readThat’s our way of saying that Liam Plunkett’s flying from the Caribbean to Australia to maybe-or-maybe-not appear in a dead rubber for England before flying back again. At least James Anderson had a new slavering bairn as a reason for racking up thousands of air miles. That’s a decent reason.
Continue reading10 Ashes Tests in a row
2 minute readSweet fucking Christ, does everyone in the world of cricket suffer from all three major forms of retardation? This is quite literally the worst idea of all time. Back-to-back Ashes series. Ten England v Australia Tests in a row. Does no-one who has control over anything have even the most
Continue readingHow to make one-day matches unmissable
2 minute readWe woke up this morning and just lay there. We knew there was cricket on, but we didn’t jump up. We’re getting a new mattress next week and currently it feels like we’re sleeping on a slight incline, constantly in danger of being rolled out of one side of the
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