Last year, we were going to watch a cricket match with a friend who hadn’t watched the sport in many years. “I only like it when we bat,” he said.
We’re off work today and we’re a bit disappointed that England are batting. We prefer cricket when England are bowling. We get more excited.
When England are batting, it’s too much like life. Things can only go wrong. Progress comes incrementally, almost imperceptibly and then one shit-for-brains move knocks you back again, undoing all the hard slog.
When England are bowling, it’s actually possible for good things to happen. Wickets are great highs and they come without warning, like the postman.
One minute, you’ve nothing, the next minute you’ve got a £6 train voucher in your hands because someone has felt pity for you after you were stupid and bought the wrong ticket the other day.