< 1 minute read Is broad and pudgy and malleable like plasticine. It’s an amorphous, wobbling built-in cushion so he can lie down anywhere and feel comfortable. It’s also a trap. When Jesse Ryder needs to take all that weight off his feet, he plonks himself down and leans into his back’s exquisitely welcoming
Continue readingCategory: New Zealand
England v New Zealand: it’s been…
< 1 minute read …of a lengthy duration. We’re not the kind of cricket site that’s ashamed when we completely overlook an England one-day international and the nineteenth match in a row between England and New Zealand was no time to adopt professionalism. When England were in New Zealand, they won the Tests and
Continue readingRunning out a player who’s on the deck
< 1 minute read We like a bit of ruthlessness, but there’s a fairly clear line between ‘ruthlessness’ and ‘being a dick’. We call it the ‘being a dick line’ and we always try and stay the right side of it. England didn’t. Ryan Sidebottom went after the ball and inadvertently decked Grant Elliott
Continue readingLast ball finishes are good whatever length the format
< 1 minute read What a great match. What a fantastic finish. One-day cricket’s an idiot – how can it not know that it’s dead? Twenty20 waited for one-day cricket in an Indian backstreet and when one-day cricket arrived, Twenty20 beat it senseless with a black cricket bat. One-day cricket’s bloodied and barely conscious,
Continue readingHalf of England in love with money
< 1 minute read Apparently half of the England team would consider retiring early to play in the IPL. The greedy blighters. How dare they come down on the side of fiscal wealth against such lofty notions as pride, honour and respect. How dare they forfeit the unique opportunity to be slagged off in
Continue readingEngland win or lose to New Zealand
< 1 minute read This is how you write a match report: a week early. England put on a staggering/staggeringly inept performance against New Zealand yesterday, after a topsy-turvy/one-sided contest in which English cricket/New Zealand cricket/cricket/the weather was the only winner. James Anderson opened the bowling and delivered a virtuoso performance/a never-ending supply of
Continue readingNew Zealand’s Test team
2 minute read We’d be very irritated if we were a New Zealand cricket supporter. We’re very irritated anyway. Admittedly, we get irritated by all of humanity on an hourly basis, but this is different. This is with reason. Bowling Shane Bond would add fire to any attack and the sooner this ICL
Continue readingThe state of England’s batting
< 1 minute read Winning a Test by an innings is not to be sniffed at. What exactly would you expect to smell? England didn’t exactly dominate the series like they dominated this last match though. Overall, the team looks okay, but there are quite a few flaws, the most glaring of which is
Continue readingJimmy Anderson: swing bowler
2 minute read And batsman. Who knew? Well, we all knew about the swing bowling. Trent Bridge might be the home ground of Ryan Sidebottom and Stuart Broad, but Jimmy Anderson’s the best swing bowler in this England side and he duly played a blinder, taking all six of the New Zealand wickets
Continue readingHopefully it’s just a series of flukes
< 1 minute read We said that due to the swing-friendly conditions Kevin Pietersen’s hundred might prove handy. For similar reasons we picked James Anderson as England’s top wicket-taker and Kyle Mills to bowl most overs in this match. In the last Test, we picked Daniel Vettori and Monty Panesar to be the top
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