Jonathan Agnew wrote today: “Tim Ambrose might be one of the shortest men currently playing Test cricket, but this man can bat.” We’d go further than that. We’d say, ‘Tim Ambrose might have attended Merewether Selective High, but he managed to hit two sixes’. We like a good non-sequitur. Before
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Kyle Mills shames England
We expected England to lose. They’re an insipid outfit at the minute. We didn’t expect them to get thrashed though. And they were thrashed. Getting bowled out for 110 is never too smart, but on this pitch it was jaw-dropping. Don’t let New Zealand’s 177-9 fool you. Runs were the
Continue readingRyan Sidebottom’s hat trick
Three Ryan Sidebottoms, that’s what we’ve been campaigning for. He’s exceptional. Sidebottom actually started on a hat trick, having taken two wickets in two balls at the end of New Zealand’s first innings. He failed, but no matter, another hat trick opportunity soon arose. They’re nothing special. There’s nothing out
Continue readingThe ‘mighty mighty’ England
Well we’d probably only have a go if England’s batsmen had got themselves out playing aggressively – let’s say that. We’d have bemoaned their lack of application and their inability to read a pitch and react accordingly. We’d have wondered where the old-fashioned virtue of patience had gone. We are
Continue readingThe power of intimidation
‘Oh no, Paul Collingwood’s coming on to bowl. He’s England’s best bowler.’ ‘I thought Collingwood was good, but Pietersen’s EVEN BETTER. Where have they been hiding this guy.’ ‘Hoggard was looking in ominous form during that innings of two. That bodes badly for the rest of the series.’ Just some
Continue readingDaniel Vettori’s batting average
Here’s some statistics. Since the start of 2003, Daniel Vettori has had 48 Test innings and averaged 41.60 with two hundreds and 11 fifties. Since the start of 2005, he’s averaged 48.18. Not half bad for a number eight batsman. You’ve really got to redefine what the middle-order is with
Continue readingRespectable day for England hints at a mediocre future
On the face of it, with New Zealand 282-6 on a flat pitch, England had a pretty good day, but Alastair Cook won’t always catch so well and they won’t always be playing New Zealand. The plan of the day was Plan D, because Vaughan had already been through A,
Continue readingJesse Ryder injures himself gaining entrance to a toilet
Jesse Ryder, you really do appear in the most spectacularly glorious stories. Jesse Ryder injured himself while he was out drinking to celebrate New Zealand’s one-day series win over England. Did he injure himself in a fight? No. Did he injure himself trying to break into a toilet? Yes. He’s
Continue readingBrendon McCullum finds his feet
You’d think that by the age of 26, he’d know to look at the end of his legs, but no. Up until now Brendon McCullum’s been incorrectly forcing his footwear onto all sorts of incorrect body parts. He’s been a disaster zone of misapplied shoddery. McCullum’s been finding his feet
Continue readingPaul Collingwood hits England’s fastest fifty
Paul Collingwood, a man of incomparable aceness right now – in fact a man so ace he’s forcing full-grown men to write like 11-year-olds – hit England’s fastest ever fifty at some point in the recent past. Hitting England’s fastest ever fifty is a bit like being Australia’s most debonair
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