Charles Colville is fantastically annoying

Charles Colville whinges about summat or otherCharles Colville is that nitpicking kind of sports follower who finds fault with everything and believes that minor details decide matches. He’s also a reactionary numbnuts.

Colville is Sky’s second string presenter. He gets the highlights shows and the non-England matches. He’s a public schoolboy with a bizarrely creased brow which is impossible to take your eyes off. They’re permanent wrinkles that derive from near-constant scowling, which pretty much sums up the man.

Today’s update was inspired by a comment left by Miriam yesterday describing how Colville had made a reference to England’s World Cup winners bringing the trophy back in a handbag, which pretty much sums up the man.

Everyone warrants a place on the internet where their inadequacies can be documented. For Colville, this is that page.

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25 Appeals

  1. Colville won’t unfurrow his brow until the entire Surrey team is playing for England. The man is a complete tosspot. He’s the sort of imbecile who colleagues at parties ignore and hope goes away, but keeps hanging around, chuntering on about a subject about which he knows nothing. He rants and raves, thinking he could do better, and embarrasses himself and his studio guests. The sooner Sky Sports gets Ward, Knight, or Allott to do their presenting, the better.

    To paraphrase an oft-repeated comment, what is the point of Charles Colville?

  2. what is his background?

    it strikes me as odd that he’s the only cricket correspondent i can think of who didn’t play cricket at county or test level.

    apart from tim “tim abrahams, sky sports news, durban” abrahams.

    or did he?

  3. so he is just mark nicholas minus the wanton enthusiasm and sunny disposition?!

  4. Sunny, never compare my make believe father, with Charles Colville.

    By Heaven! Mark Nicholas is delightful!

  5. Hey, leave off Charles Colvile! I too was embarrased by the handbag comment, but if you’re looking for a non-sexist sports presenter, you’re not going to find one in cricket. Playing cricket at any level is not a pre-requisite for being good at cricket commentary. You only have to listen to Ian Botham to know that.

    Anyway, Colvile is the man who told Geraint Jones he smelled nice live on international TV. You can’t beat that.

  6. I concur with Lemon Bella. Ian Botham is a pickle brained fucknut, that seethes with misplaced rage.

  7. There is already a place on the internet for the documentation of Colville’s inadequacies. I guess he deserves two.

  8. King Cricket

    March 24, 2009 at 1:22 pm

    We’re now pretty sure we’ve spelt his surname wrong.

    We’re not changing it.

  9. Yes KC, it’s spelt “Fucknut”. I think it should be changed.

  10. There’s a simple correlation between talent at playing and talent at commentating. Mike Atherton was a good player and is an excellent commentator, exactly like Brian Johnstone, although he didn’t play. Viv Richards, on the other hand, can’t commentate for toffee but was one of the great players, as was Ian Bishop, who, like John Arlott, is a good commentator, but unlike John Arlott, was a great ex-player, like Viv Richards. David Gower, despite being a curly-haired fop, was left-handed, and is as a result a better summariser than commentator. His test batting average is much, much better than Michael Holding’s, which I assume is why he does more of the anchor work, even though Bob Willis had a much longer run-up.

    How does all this relate to Charles Colvile? Well, he is described as an “enthusiastic” club cricketer, which as we all know means a shite one. He is also a shite anchor and commentator, and is shite at not being patronising.

    QED.

  11. Well summed up Bert, I couldn’t have put it less clearly myself.

  12. Bert, I think I’m going to print that out and give it to my logic students as an example of how to do it.

  13. My comment inspired a post! yay!

    Charles Colville should try these for the creased brow:

    http://www.frownies.co.uk

  14. I have been shopping ColVILE for a while..

    http://tinyurl.com/colVILE

    I would like Bert to explain the off side rule in footy to me

  15. I’m sticking up for Charles. he’s one of the very few presenters on Sky who doesn’t let the ex-cricketing pundits get away with spouting cliche-ridden uninformed drivel; ‘Out of the Wilderness’ was one of the best cricket documentaries I’ve seen in years; he clearly hates Botham just as much as I do; and it’s his life’s work to give Graham Thorpe a nervous breakdown live on air.

    Also he’s Sky’s first string presenter- which is why he gets to work sensible hours watching the two best teams in the world play test cricket and doesn’t have to still be up at 11p.m. watching England play mediocre draws in the West Indies.

  16. It is an interesting fact that Ceci’s “Charles Colville is a Pen Is” facebook group has twice as many members as the “Charles Colville is a Gen Ius” one.

  17. “Out of the Wilderness is a 2001 TV movie directed by Steve Kroschel.

    This is the story of a raven, considered by ornithologists to be the most intelligent of birds, who through its antics disrupts a family, even to causing enough problems that the town finally decides to put the bird on trial for its life. The tale is told in retrospect during that trial by the young girl who owns it.”

    Hmm. Is it… a good cricket documentary… because it’s not about cricket? Because I can see the reasoning there. Cricket is shit. Anything is better.

    People who make un-PC comments are great. Stop trying to sterilise everything.

  18. There’s an episode of “I’m Alan Partridge” where he goes to some bloke’s house only to find that the fellow in question is obsessed with him, and has a room full of pictures of him all over the walls. Creepy.

    I was reminded of this when I followed your link, Ceci.

  19. In a nutshell……… THE BLOKE IS A PRIZE COCK!!!

  20. This guy is a prize tosser.

    Worst commentator out there.

    So unlikeable.

    Ugly.

    Get rid of him.

  21. Following his remarks about blind people during yesterday’s T20 game he should be sacked. Utter disgrace.

  22. I love sky sports cricket coverage apart from this tosser who ruins every game he commentates on for me. I have actualy been moved to google Charles Colville knobhead just to see if anyone else agrees. Interesting comment about Surrey though, I have always been under the impression he hates them judging by his constant stream of snide digs.

  23. Charles colville is a trained journalist,and he’s the face of sky sports cricket.very popular with me and everyone apart from the bahnchords on here.but does he wear a wig? That’s what you people should really be debating as otherwise colville is fantastic

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