Cricket Snooker

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< 1 minute read

The cricket news is still boring us, so here’s another way to improve a vastly inferior sport by making it slightly cricket-related.

To play Cricket Snooker, you will need:

  1. A snooker table and balls
  2. A snooker bat/stick
  3. The kind of haircut seen on footballers about six years ago

One of you ‘bats’ and pots colours. The other ‘bowls’ and pots reds.

Colours score the same as in snooker, so you can rather bizarrely hit fives and sevens, which is quite exciting. Reds equal wickets. When there are no more reds, the innings is over and you swap.

Full rules can be found here. It doesn’t say anything about playing wrong-handed when you’re down to the tail, but you should definitely adopt that rule. You should also play in full whites and the batsman should don every piece of protective cricket gear that can be found.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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    1. Oh Dick Bowman, you’ve got to love the commitment to cricket of a man who has a hotel with “room-keys attached to cricket balls.” God bless that man!

  1. I’d rather play snooker cricket. Kind of like a single wicket competition.

    You have to score a single, then between 2-7 (not sure how you’d score a 7) off the next ball (amount of runs nominated ahead of time, wrong amount scored is a foul), then a single to keep the break going etc.

    A dot ball is end of break.
    A wicket is a foul.

    End of break or foul you swap roles.

    A frame contains 15 singles and the colours.

    I imagine lots of fun towards the end when you have to pot the colours (especially the 5 and 7…).

  2. Has anyone played book cricket? you know the one where you randomly turn the pages of the book and score whatever the last number of the page number is? If the second number is a zero, youre out. Best played during classes and lectures.

    As far as making inferior sports cricket related is concerned, this must be pretty near the bottom.

  3. Uday is spot on. This really is a misguided posting KC.

    Who has a snooker table to hand?

    The only person I ever met with a snooker table was the rich kid from the big house at the end of the road in which I grew up – he was well weird – you wouldn’t want to play anything with him.

    And I don’t know of ANY pubs with a snooker table.

    But worst of all, that game does not resemble cricket even faintly. 15 reds = 10 wickets? Please.

    Actually I can live with 5 (wide ball goes to the boundary, batsman hits a four off a no-ball) or even 7 (batsman hits a six off a no-ball) but still the game is pants.

    I can think of ways of adapting the rules of that daft game to make it a mite better (first five wickets requiring two reds to be potted, for example), but why the hell should I be arsed?

    Can do better than this.

    1. Next will be cricket horse racing, in which you have to name your racehorses 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, caught, bowled and nurdle-round-the-corner-to-the-backward-square-fielder-who-collects-easily-and-there’s-no-run. Then you run several seasons of National Hunt racing, scoring or being out each time one of your horses wins a Group 1 race. The second innings starts once you’ve lost ten wickets or died.

  4. When I was at school we used the random number function of our calculators. Scoring was based on the first digit of the number returned when we pushed the button, 7s were wickets, 1-6 were runs and 0,8,9 were dot balls.

    Probably the worst game ever.

  5. Actually (and in seriousness) the very best cricket simulation ever was Tim Astley’s ultra cricket:

    I miss that game and I miss the wonderful community of people with top notch cricket chat (both about real and simulated cricket) that existed around that late lamented site.

    1. That game sounds very similar to the still-active Battrick (

      Battrick’s very good, by the way, even if they don’t answer any of our emails suggesting they sponsor this website.

    2. If they’ll sponsor us, we’ll happily agree.

      Not seen that one before. Maybe we should do a review of online management games.

  6. I like how a discussion of cricket games has naturally led us to boobies and dicks. Naturally.

  7. Are we all getting several offers for cheap furniture now, presumably because the main postings mention such furniture as dart boards and snooker tables, or am I being singled out?

    One of the suppliers is still promising to deliver its ghastly-looking (but half price) sofas before Christmas. Guess it doesn’t actually say which Christmas.

  8. Cricket Drinking is a game in which drinking a half pint scores you a single, a full pint gets you a sharp two and polishing off your pint in one go awards you a boundary, adjudged either four or six depending on whether you were judged to have “bounced” it, i.e. tried to sneak in a pause.

    Wickets are lost by visiting the bathroom or falling over. Once ten are lost you’re out of the scoring. Once seven wickets are lost you must deal with the bowling side sending beamers at your tailenders (in the form of shots) between drinks. Vomiting or falling asleep is considered a declaration.

    Ball-tampering (i.e. spiking opposition drinks) is officially considered not on and results in five penalty runs being given to the offender to drink. Like with ball-tampering, this activity is actually highly encouraged and you only get punished for being oafish enough to get caught.

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