England are South Africa

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They don’t really have a spinner, most of their bowlers can bat, their batsmen are stodgy and they’re conservative when it comes to declarations.

It’s clear that England’s new era is merely South Africa’s old one – and this despite fielding far fewer South Africans than usual.

Honestly, they’re this far away from fielding a Klusener.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. Stuart Broad has tried to be Shaun Pollock for ages but he’s never got the averages the right way around

    And I reckon there’s just a slither of difference between Kallis and Ben Stokes

    1. As soon as I saw this thread go up, I knew that someone would start talking Pollocks.

    1. haha. OOPS

      that reminds me of an old spike milligan joke… the sort of joke you could no longer get away with on tv… in this case of course it would say far more about whoever put that programme together than anyone else…

  2. Our receptionist’s uncle was Lance Klusener. She was surprised that somebody in Ireland (i.e., me) had even heard of him. I think he was just Uncle Lance to her. She’s now our ex-receptionist, although the events are not related. I mean, she was related, to Lance Klusener, obviously, but her no longer being employed was not related to her surprise that I – oh, I think you get the picture.

  3. Given that England currently can’t spin, have a nominally decent set of batsmen that still seem to manage to collapse, the best batsman is currently at number 4, there’s a promising youngster at number 3, and (crucially) there are no openers to speak of… I think they’re more New Zealand to be honest.

    Now, where’s Root’s triple-ton?

    1. No spinners? 8-188 on debut isn’t bad for a spinner. No openers? 3 consecutive 50’s and an average of 59 isn’t bad for an opener.
      You wish you were NZ at the moment, you’re more like NZ 5 years ago.

    2. One-two years ago. Latham and Craig are both new finds. It’s deeply depressing how many of the NZ team are younger than me, and I am not an old man.

    3. Yep, very disturbing to find yourself ranting about how a player is past it and need to retire, only to see they’re younger than you.

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