England v Sri Lanka first Test match report

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Nobody make a Jon/John Lewis joke about this match report. That will not be acceptable.

Dandy Dan writes:

I was just about to leave work and head down to Cardiff when Mr Puffin asked if he could come too. I said yes and so off we went.

Mr Puffin

We got to the airport and were dismayed to find our flight had been delayed by an hour but Mr Puffin enjoyed watching the planes land and take off.

Mr Puffin considers flying under his own steam

That evening I went out and drank too much in Bristol with some friends. Mr Puffin stayed at home as he knew it wasn’t a sensible idea to stay out late when we had to get a train early the next morning. He made the correct choice.

When we arrived at the train station Mr Puffin stared in amazement at these track based beasts. Planes were much more of a sensible idea to him, naturally.

Mr Puffin is horrified by the limitations imposed on the train by the tracks

When we arrived in Cardiff we met up with my friend Becky and her father. Inclement weather delayed our arrival to our intended destination so we wandered around Cardiff centre. Becky’s dad took a significant amount of time studying different picnic hampers in John Lewis.

We decided to have lunch in Jamie Oliver’s Italian restaurant. This was very nice and even more pleasant when Becky’s father insisted on paying. Even if I had paid, it probably wouldn’t have been much cheaper had I bought lunch at the ground, and it was considerably nicer. A slightly elderly Welsh couple sitting next to us who were also going were slightly amazed that I could find out the start of play time on my phone. Insert your own gag about backward rural communities here.

We got to the ground and Mr Puffin saw a silly man riding a silly horse.

Mr Puffin looks on from above - as ever

After it had all finished we went out in Cardiff. I got very tired and begged Becky to take me home as I was staying at her flat.

We did make it onto the TV though.

Mr Puffin was at the bar


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  1. “I got very tired and begged Becky to take me home as I was staying at her flat.” And what of Mr Puffin? I do not see him on the screenshot either – had you abandoned him?

    1. He came out for a bit, but soon he got picked up by a Pelican and went back to her plaice.

  2. Great fancy dress, Dan – but isn’t wearing a red circle around your head for the day a bit tiring? Well done on getting Becky’s dad to wear one as well.

    Regarding the match report, I think it takes things to entirely new levels.

  3. Excellent report Mr Dan. There aren’t enough cricket pieces written through the eyes of a puffin. It’s a gap in the market.

    1. Mr Puffin is clearly sitting between Becky and Dandy Dan protecting their picnic hamper and avoiding the gaze of the Sky cameras.

      A victory for common sense.

  4. It’s a bit early for Mr Puffin to be flying south for the winter, I’d have thought. You’ve clearly taught him rogue behaviour Dandy Dan.

  5. String. Like I said at the beginning, it was his choice. Given the weather that day it was too early for me to be flying south, let alone Mr Puffin.

    1. That’s a relief. I was worried you’d sent his seasonal bodyclock all to shit with this early migration.

  6. Is the first picture your place of work? And why do they have the chalk board up so high? Unless it is not a chalk board. In which case, what is it?

    Oh, I am pretty sure Kung fu panda ate Mr. Puffin.

  7. DC. As Howe_zat has identified it’s a school.

    When you have an infant class, a stuffed puffin is a valuable tool.

    I’m not sure how that sounds.

    Dave. As you can see from the photo, Mr Puffin is showing his indifference to the cricket by focusing on the man in fancy dress.

    Like nearly all of us when we’re at the cricket.

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