What to think about Mickey Arthur not being South Africa coach

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John Michael 'Mickey' Arthur - that's just greedy

Did he really resign? Was he pushed? Was it Graeme Smith? Was it political pressure? Was it to do with quotas? Was he marginalised by the use of Duncan Fletcher?

So many questions and you’ve come here for the answers. We will tell you what to think, so you don’t have to come to any conclusions yourself.

There is one thing to know. While almost anyone who has had anything to do with Mickey Arthur will say that he is a nice bloke, the fact remains that he has two first names and no surname. People with two first names and no surname upset the natural balance and should be ostracised.

Conversely, while having two surnames and no first name is even more ridiculous, there is currently a worldwide shortfall of surnames, so this is acceptable. And no, we haven’t worked out our stance on Mitchell Johnson yet. Could go either way.

31 comments

  1. Devon Malcolm.

    That’s just a first name and a county.

    Charlton has been used as a first name before, as well…

  2. You could get away with Malcolm Devon. That’s okay.

    Charlton is more a surname than a first name, we’d say, so you’re okay there.

    Cameron? Hmm. We’d probably consider that a surname first and foremost, but we’re not 100% on that.

  3. chris martin
    peter martin
    jon lewis
    ashley giles
    steve james
    joey benjamin
    chris lewis
    tim curtis
    paul terry
    david lloyd

  4. You’ve really got to head to the West Indies for the double surnames.

    Would possibly let the two Lewisses off and Lloyd as well, but the rest of them are unquestionably guilty.

    For the record, Paul Terry is the worst offender.

  5. Tim Ambrose

    Cameron – it’s a Scottish name isn’t it? Anyway I know a Cameron – he is a Saffer. And it’s versatile – what about Cameron Diaz?

  6. Having two surnames is much worse than having two first names. If your name is Mr. Arthur, the only way to avoid giving your son two first names is to name him after a feature of the local landscape, like Tree Arthur, or River Arthur, or Shoe Shop Arthur, and I’m not sure that’s an improvement.

    Conversely, the selection of a surname as a first name is a deliberate act of stupidity on the part of the parents, suggesting a low brain count. Given that both parents normally agree to their children’s names, this stupidity must exist on both sides, and therefore, according to genetic theory, the child has a 96.5% chance of inheriting that stupidity.

    Try it. Go to your local university (there’ll be one in your town centre) and ask to see Professor… oh what’s their surname again, oh I’m sorry I’ve forgotten, but I know their first name is Taylor. The receptionist will say that they have no professors with the first name Taylor. Ask them about Professor Mitchell something-or-other. You’ll get the same answer.

  7. KK, two first names, but he’s spared our ire by dint of the fact that his name is gloriously stupid.

    Wise words, Bert. We agree that dual first names can be unavoidable and that dual surnames results from outright malice.

    However, the fact remains that first names are more numerous in our world today.

  8. there are some that could be both first names or both surnames

    bruce wayne

    ok he’s not a cricketer

    but

    shut up

  9. More to the point – what about this headline on Cricinfo:

    “Australia chase more momentum”

    Can you chase momentum? Don’t you either have it or not?

    You love momentum, KC, don’t you?

  10. We saw that link, D Charlton. Then we read the article and forgot why we were reading it.

    You need a hell of a lot of momentum to catch up with momentum.

  11. Dandy Dan, absolutely agree. Same with kids called Brendon, Alex and Jamie. Always make me want to kill myself.

  12. No-one has mentioned Michael Vaughan yet. And if Vaughan doesn’t count as a first name, try telling that to famous composer Vaughan Williams, or my Uncle Vaughan. Although you can’t because they have both sadly passed away.

  13. I’m afraid that the “Vaughan” in Ralph Vaughan Williams is a surname.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ralph_Vaughan_Williams

    My IRL surname was my grandfather’s first name. Because his surname was unpronounceable he changed the whole family name into his first name. Yet you would consider that surname to be unquestionably a surname.

    So where does all this leave me, that’s what I want to know? I was content until I came home from work and read this piece. Now I have an identity crisis.

    Who do I sue?

  14. So you’ve simplified the whole Mickey Arthur situation. On behalf of those of us who had been diverted by all the extraneous details – thanks very much.

    But at what cost? Name discrimination must not be condoned if we wish to see ourselves as a truly civilised society. Too many innocents have suffered already.

  15. My mum taught a boy called Elvin Elvin, which isn’t really a surname or a first name. It takes monumental stupidity to give your child this kind of name, but also monumental bravery. I think he is in prison now.

  16. Jarrod Kimber is an example of two surnames. Everywhere except Australia, of course, where everyone is called Shane, Mitchel or Jarrod these days.At least the ones from Victoria.

    And whlist on the topic of Victoria – a quick heads up to all Victorians –

    No, you are not the ‘sophisticated’ Australians (yes, I know this is an oxymoron but it’s a relative thing). Your accent is the most strine, you are the most brutally violent and the term ‘bogan’ was born fully formed in the Melbourne suburbs. Also your admittedly superior beer, VB, has always had the most appalling ocker TV ads. Just saying.

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