Stephen Moore and Sajid Mahmood

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A man with ambitions to play for Lancashire's second XIDurham aren’t the only team who are currently muddling by with about one and a half batsmen. Lancashire’s current mediocrity is largely due to a batting order that starts at six with Steven Croft and ends at seven with Glen Chapple.

Actually, that’s not fair. Sajid Mahmood has been playing a blinder at number nine. He may have only scored 273 runs to proper batsman Stephen Moore‘s 277, but he has had three fewer innings and his season average of 34 pisses on Moore’s 25. Mahmood’s four fifties piss on Moore’s two as well. And he scores faster.

Stephen Moore’s only been at Lancashire for a few matches, but we already know we’re not going to warm to him. Why? Because he’s employed a PR agency to send out press releases pushing his England claims every time he manages to wipe his arse without injuring himself.

New rule: If you’ve got international ambitions, shut up about them if your batting’s absolute dog-toss.

Here’s some more about Lancashire’s batting that still rings true even though we wrote it a couple of years ago.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. Sajid’s been a better batsman than bowler this year – I’ve been to Old Trafford twice this season and each time seen him make 50.

  2. Lancashire’s current mediocrity has them 3rd out of 18 teams (with a possible no points from their current match to add on). When I came 12th out of 48 in my 1983 middle school cross-country I was so chuffed I resolved there and then to continue telling people about it for 27 years.

    These truly are the dizzy heights of county cricket. I’m writing it all down so I can tell my grandchildren where I was when Lancashire nearly came second.

  3. There are only three certainties in life: death, taxes and Lancashire not winning the County Championship.

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