The Lord’s Throdkin dispute

You may or may not remember the Lord’s Throdkin. If you do, you will be very excited to hear that there has been a development…

Ged writes:

Lancastrian nephew-in-law Escamillo Escapillo is partial to my Lord’s Throdkin cookies.  I was to spend the first of three days at Lord’s watching the West Indies test with Escamillo, so it seemed an ideal week to bake a batch.

I decided to vary the original recipe a little this time around, using an extra 30% of every ingredient except the sweet ones, plus the use of two eggs rather than one.

The reduced sweetness proved non-controversial, but the extra egg meant that the new version didn’t spread and flatten, resulting in a more dough-ball type cookie than the original biscuit-type cookie (depicted).

Escamillo voted the new version better; more true to the gloopiness of real throdkin. I agreed, but Daisy was adamant that the more biscuit-like texture of the original recipe is more appealing.

I wrote to Iain Spellright, summarising the dispute and concluding, “…you are the only person in the world who is not a member of our family and yet has tasted both varieties of my throdkin cookies.  No pressure, but could you please provide some independent judgement on this vital matter for us?”

Iain wrote back: “I am with Daisy on this…my impression is that last year’s version had more ‘bite’ to them. The taste of the bacon seemed more startling in what the mind said was a biscuit. The ‘porridge’ version seemed less compelling to me…”

When I related the result to Escamillo at the Middlesex v Lancashire match, he merely said: “Southerner, Iain Spellright, isn’t he? You need to get Big Al DeLarge to try the new throdkin cookies and provide an expert opinion on the subject. He’s Lancastrian and cheffy.”

I pointed out that Big Al has now gone ever such a long way south (Sydney) and is bound to have gone soft in transit. Further, I suggested that the throdkin cookies might also denature on the journey to Australia if I were to send samples to Al.

Escamillo and I then debated whether the changing character of the cookies in long-distance transit would make the experiment Schrodinger’s cat-like or not, proving that grown men can talk pseudo-intellectual bollocks at cricket matches hours before they even think of having a drink.

Strangely, Escamillo didn’t suggest employing King Cricket himself as the ultimate arbiter of this throdkin dispute, but perhaps that will be the only way.

Childish Things

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6 Appeals

  1. Suddenly brexit doesn’t seem so important anymore.

  2. The wisdom of Solomon himself required here.

    In other news, great to see the ‘thirst quencher’ fire extinguisher drinking bottle still surviving, Ged.

  3. The email I just got from edgbaston contains several contestable claims.

    ‘This match is set to have everything… some of the best bowlers (Anderson & Jadeja) and batsmen (Kohli & Root) in the world, the unique Fortress Edgbaston atmosphere and fantastic match day experience which includes giveaways, big screens, interactive games and fabulous food and drink offers all around the stadium.’

    • Whatever you do, don’t take the lack of advertised ‘paahrotekniks’ as an invitation to bring your own…

  4. Interesting debate, Ged. It had me wondering which version I’d prefer for what felt like a long time . I completely forgot what I was doing before I checked in to see what was going on in the world of King Cricket. Have I stumbled upon Mindfulness, which is meant to be good for you, unlike, I suspect the wonderful throdkin itself?

  5. Thank you for your kind words and mindful comments all.

    It is indeed a debate for our times, with the Daisy corner insisting that “biscuit means biscuit”, while we throd-moaners, in truth, don’t want biscuit to happen.

    This year Escamillo will again be joining me for a day at Lord’s but we have agreed that this season will be throdkin free. We realise this is merely kicking the great throdkin debate can down the road…

    …or should I say kicking the biscuit tin down the road…

    …but with the voters and decision-makers so evenly split, at this stage stasis seems to be the only (non) option in the great throdkin debate.

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