Two great things Rohit Sharma did in the IPL final

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The first and most important thing to acknowledge here is that we accurately predicted this result. We accurately predicted who would win the IPL using Ken Nordine’s word jazz album ‘Colors’.

Who needs complex data analysis which results in the groan-inducing use of the word ‘impactful’ when you could instead listen to some mad old fella from the Sixties rambling on about hues and draw your conclusions from that?

As far as the final itself goes, Mumbai Indians captain Rohit Sharma did as much as anyone to enliven the match.

He did two very exciting things.

Very Exciting Thing 1

The first and most obvious very exciting thing that Rohit did was repeatedly throw his ample weight into large shots.

“Ohhh that is a BIGGIE!” cried Mark Nicholas after one – and it was not immediately clear whether he meant the six or the batsman.

Very Exciting Thing 2

The second very exciting thing that Rohit did was gratuitously run out a team-mate when the sailing seemed altogether too plain for Mumbai Indians.

There is no time in a cricket match when this kind of thing is not both fun and funny.

Several people were keen to point out that, “there was never a run there,” but you have to say if Rohit Sharma has time to get almost to the other end and also do a bit of melodramatic ‘oh bollocks what have I done?’ mime then probably Suryakumar Yadav had time to cover 22 yards.

Committed mankaddist R Ashwin was bowling though, so maybe Yadav wasn’t backing up as cheatingly as he usually would.

15 comments

  1. Is this the ultimate argument in favour of mankads? Comedy runouts might well be reduced if non-strikers face no risk for sneaking a headstart. Pin them to the crease and this can keep happening.

    1. Wasn’t this the opposite of a comedy run out though? A real tear-jerker, with one batsman willingly sacrificing his wicket and the other demonstrating remorse almost immediately upon reaching the other end. Apparently there was more bromance in the post-match interview with a “I will always make this sacrifice for my captain” statement.

      All run outs are fun, but on the spectrum from “direct hit on a tight run” to “both batsmen dive to reach the same end first”, this was decidedly tame.

      1. This was both batsmen at the same end. One running. One standing still and saying “no”.

        Make no mistake, it was a comedy run out.

  2. It’s very heartening that this IPL final was such a throwback to the days when large cricketers roamed the earth.

    Rohit, Pollard, Pant and Hetmeyer may not be Dwyane Leverock, but they continue a fine tradition into modern day 20-20

  3. They’re all wearing the same colour. What kind of sport allows both sides to wear the same colour? I mean, how is the casual viewer supposed to tell who is on which team? No wonder there was a run out, the batsmen won’t have known who was doing what.

    It’s just another reason why T20 is stupid and test cricket is better.

  4. I always like how Wimbledon makes the players play in all white as a mark of respect and tradition, until I watch a match and realise I’ve completely lost track of who’s who. Gets worse if they have similar hair colour / length / millinery.

    Since I quite enjoy watching sport in a state of utter confusion, I do think many sports could be improved by rewarding players with additional points / goals / runs for convincing disguising themselves as the opposing player. We all enjoy watching Ben Stokes bat. We all enjoy watching Ben Stokes bowl. We even enjoy his more spectacular (usually taken to mean “fish-like” for some reason, even though I can’t see many fish being good at cricket) fielding. But we are deprived of watching Ben Stokes caught in the slips by a salmon-leaping Ben Stokes off the bowling of a make-happening Ben Stokes. In the sport of Disguisocricket, we might at least see the next best thing – the real Ben Stokes caught and bowled by opponents who look uncannily like him. Although the genuine article batsman might well be disguised as Nathan Lyon at the time.

    1. I also forecast that the dawn of Disguisocricket would result in an unexpected late career resurgence, indeed even a proliferation, of W G Graces.

    2. It’s a genius idea, Bail-out. Teams sneaking infiltrators into the other side, maybe to field at slip and just let the ball through. Or imagine disguising yourself as one of the opposition bowlers. How long could you keep bowling dollies till you were caught? And batting as an opposition batsman, slow scoring, getting out after a completely unproductive period of…

      Wait a minute, this sounds very familiar.

  5. King Cricket

    I don’t know whether you got my email but an subject for another article is the end of the clip of ‘A bit of Fry and Laurie – Your name, Sir?’

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