Two things wrong with the 2013 IPL

Let’s start slowly. We’ve plenty of time. Two things for now. More may follow.

1. Adam Gilchrist is playing

Adam Gilchrist is about 110 years old. More importantly, he is not a cricketer. He was once, but he isn’t any more. No cricket competition should field people who aren’t cricketers.

2. Six terminology

We’ve come to terms with sixes being referred to as ‘maximums’ even if we get MASSIVELY ANNOYED when someone calls fours ‘boundaries’ in such a way as to imply that the two words are synonyms. They aren’t. A four is a type of boundary. A six is still a boundary as well. It’s not ‘sixes and boundaries’. That makes no sense.

But that’s not our point. Our point is actually something we’re slightly less annoyed about. On the homepage of the IPL website, they list ‘IPL leaders’. These are the players who have scored most runs, taken most wickets and so forth. One of the categories is ‘maximum sixes’.

Firstly, this mashes together two terms for the same thing, but more importantly, they aren’t listing the players who’ve hit maximum sixes, because no-one has hit the maximum.

Chris Gayle hit the most in 2012, but he also played out plenty of dot balls and ran a few singles. He therefore cannot have struck ‘maximum sixes’. He spurned literally hundreds of opportunities.

We’re happy for the ‘maximum sixes’ category to remain, but only if it features no players whatsoever.

… and one thing that’s right about the 2013 IPL

Royston Dias might play and all sports competitions are greatly improved by the inclusion of players with funny names.

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27 Appeals

  1. Aside from the cricket itself, almost everything about the IPL annoys me.

  2. The only thing which I am concerned about is the retention of the Spanish trumpeteer.

    Also, for the domestic T20 will DJ’s be employed to play music throughout the matches, please?

    And can computer devices be supplied to all children to keep them occupied as the modern child is quite incapable of enjoying the simple act of watching professional sportsmen 70 yards away without some sort of added stimulae.

    In society now, kids are on computers all the time, so let cricket play its’ part in the new IT based world.

    In fact, let’s even encourage the kids to stay at home so they won’t run the health and saftey risks of actually going into fresh air or being given the wrong imagery from teenage dance troups shaking their bootie during their 12 second routines after every maximum / boundary / 4 / 6 / 5.

    PS Hilarious post KC 🙂

  3. At least the IPL website has the decency to paint out the face of the bowler ranked number one for his average and economy rate from last year. I’m no oil painting myself but come on Cricinfo there are standards.

  4. I hear that the Karnakata Ultra Justice have signed Chris Tavare, Slasher Mackay and Stonewall Jackson for this season, so that’s who I’ll be rooting for.

  5. Like Jonathan Trott, I prefer to hit the minimum sixes.

  6. Joking apart, this prohibiotion of Sri Lankan players really is wrong:

    http://www.espncricinfo.com/indian-premier-league-2013/content/current/story/626941.html

    Disingenuous to say the least to describe it as a safety issue, it is pure political posturing on Tamil Nadu’s part and might stir up trouble where it is least needed.

    Imagine a county, Lancashire, say, announcing that it will not allow any of its CC opponents to field an Irish player when Lancashire play at home. I’d be mighty peeved with both the county and with the ECB for allowing that county thus to posture.

    I’ll go and fester offline now.

  7. Royston Dias: a small village in rural Bedforshire, noted for some fine early Gothic mullions in the church of St Runcible Spoon.

  8. any new theme tunes abducted videos released this year? why the county teams have not cottonseed on to this idea I don’t know.

  9. On Maximum Sixes, there is a University in New Zealand called AUT University that was recently a polytech. However, when you write the full name out it becomes Auckland University of Technology University. Some say putting university twice in the name is overcompensating, an inferiority complex from having recently been not a fully fledged university. Perhaps something similar is happening with the IPL. People might have finally got bored with manufactured excitement, so they need to try and manufacture even more through naming things in an ever more ‘extreme’ fashion.

    • And don’t forget GNS Science (also in New Zealand). That’d be Geological and Nuclear Sciences Science for long.

      If the IPL really wants to make its mark, its really should introduce Maximum Boundary Sixes, since “MBS6s” is something you know Danny Morrison is dying to get in.

  10. Cheteshwar Pujara hit just one six in the entire tourney. Loser.

  11. If we’re looking for funny names, the play named after what Sachin’s wife says to him: Sachin Baby. He’s also set to play in the IPL.

    http://www.espncricinfo.com/india/content/player/432783.html

  12. To enter the gates of Zargon you must seduce a Tendulkar. Utilise the Sachin Baby!

  13. I believe that this year the IPL is to be sponsored by Pepsi… Does this mean that Danny Morrison will be getting overly excited about a “Pepsi Max” every time a dross delivery from a cannon-fodder local bowler is heaved over Cow Corner?

  14. I haven’t posted for a while, I couldn’t be bothered. Can I be an infrequent poster?

  15. I just noticed this on the BPL site:

    Legendary cricketer Brian Lara will ignite the second edition of Bangladesh Premier League (BPL) as he was appointed as the brand ambassador of Chittagong Kings. The franchise will introduce Lara as their brand ambassador during their logo unveiling ceremony at a local hotel in the city on Thursday.

    Ignite? Logo unveiling ceremony? And you’re moaning about maximum sixes?

  16. I think that you’re right and there should be at least some criteria for the selection of the players .Secondly I think that the terminology now being used in the IPL is merely to imply the sixes and for them the fours don’t worth anything and their boundaries are quite short just some 60-70 meters in length if you are so obsessed about sixes than increase your boundaries and then we’ll see what’s a six really is.

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