We popped into the Sky offices last weekend to go and see some people from The Wisden Cricketer.
Where are Sky’s offices?
The address is the not-at-all-made-up-sounding 123 Buckingham Palace Road. We were confronted with a large glass wall with a small glass revolving door in the middle of it. Sky like glass very much for some reason.
We entered the glass revolving door successfully enough, but then attempted to exit about two feet too early and walked into some glass. There is a vast reception desk along one wall in the foyer/antechamber. The two girls manning it kindly ignored our embarrassment, largely because they sit at a giant desk and are above laughing at other people’s embarrassment.
We told one girl who we were going to see and she gave us a plastic card. As we remember it, she looked away from us and rolled her tongue around her mouth as she slid it across the desk. This may in fact be a lie, but it’s how we remember it.
The next obstacle was a sort of high-tech turnstile. We guessed that it worked how the Tube works. For the one and only time on this short trip, we got something right. We went through to the main part of the building.
The inside of Sky’s offices is built according to the principles of the Panopticon, where you can look into all the offices from the centre. There’s a pointlessly oversized middle bit which contains a couple of lifts and a lot of wasted space. Around the outside, every office on every floor is glass. You can probably stand by the lift on the middle floor and see everyone in the whole building. It’s overt surveillance-tastic.
Where it differs from the Panopticon is that every person in every office can also see you. Therefore, if you’re a cretin – like we are – you can easily be identified as such, long before you reach any particular office.
We got the lift to the correct floor and walked the shiny Gattaca-style gangway to the office door. There was only one thing on the whole of this floor other than the lift – a small pillar which was positioned a few yards away from the door to an office. We walked up to it and it was a swipecard kind of thing. As a focal point for an entire floor of a vast, futuristic office block, it was something of a disappointment. It said: “Don’t use this. Knock on the door instead.”
We walked up to the door. There was another reception desk with a woman sitting at it on the other side of the glass. She had presumably seen us hovering around like a complete numbnuts for the last few minutes, so we figured we didn’t need to knock and just tried the door. It was locked.
At that point a cleaner materialised out of thin air. In true cinematic fashion, she wanted to go through the same door as us. She used her card on the ‘do not use’ pillar and we nipped through the door while pretending that we were in fact merely trying to hold it open for her.
After learning so much on the way in, we felt pretty confident when it came time to leave. However, apparently you don’t just scan the card on the way out of the turnstile and hand it in at reception. You actually insert it in an entirely different way and the turnstile keeps it. The receptionist must have somehow conveyed this to us when she had looked away with that bored look on her face.
In summary: we can’t do anything; not even walk into and then out of an office.