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Author: Count Cricket

September 4, 2012 County cricket

Count Cricket’s county cricket round-up – September 4th

2 minute readGood day to you all. I, Count Cricket, have been following Durham around these last few weeks in my role as King Cricket’s roving county cricket reporter. I have developed a taste for Onions, you see. He really is rather delicious. A few sips of warming brandy, combined with the

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July 31, 2012 County cricket

Count Cricket’s county cricket round-up – July 31st

< 1 minute readGood day to you all. Count Cricket here. Apologies for my absence, but certain developments have led to my spending several weeks indoors. Frustrating, but unavoidable. Fortunately, I did manage to read the newspaper during this unscheduled ‘downtime’ and have kept tabs on County Championship developments. I can basically sum

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June 6, 2012 County cricket

Count Cricket’s county round-up – June 6th

< 1 minute readGood day to you all. Last week, I, Count Cricket, attended Durham v Lancashire at Chester-le-Street. Lancashire won and lifted themselves to mid-table respectability. Some damp weather caused me to seek shelter in the toilets for a time. While there, I met a pleasant woman who informed me that King

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May 29, 2012 County cricket

Count Cricket’s county cricket round-up – May 29th

< 1 minute readGood day to you all. Last week, I, Count Cricket, attended Sussex v Nottinghamshire. Nottinghamshire won and so went to the top of the table. The weather was good, so I protected my pallid skin by withdrawing to Hove’s toilets where I quaffed brandy from my thermos. Very pleasant it

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May 20, 2012 County cricket

Count Cricket’s county cricket round-up – May 20th

< 1 minute readGood day to you. I am Count Cricket. This week I was at Edgbaston where batting conditions were so friendly even Lancashire passed 300. Following a draw, Warwickshire remain top of the table. One of the most notable performances was that of Rikki Clarke. During one of my visits to

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May 14, 2012 County cricket

Count Cricket’s county cricket round-up – May 14th

< 1 minute readGood day to you all. I, Count Cricket, attended the Nottinghamshire v Middlesex match last week in my role as King Cricket’s county reporter. Due to heavy rain, I was forced to seek refuge in the toilets. Fortunately, I discovered that I could emerge and check the scoreboard from time

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May 6, 2012 County cricket

Count Cricket’s county cricket round-up – May 6th

< 1 minute readGood day. I am Count Cricket. My parole officer told me it would aid my rehabilitation to find some form of employment and King Cricket has offered to pay me £2.70 to cover the county cricket season for his “website”. I assume he needs to subcontract because he is too

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Latest comments

  1. Ged Ladd on The 2025 Festivus holding page: The Boxing Day TestDecember 24, 2025

    Daisy and I are off to see the Banksy exhibition this afternoon, so your edict, "don't spray it around too…

  2. King Cricket on The Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda Ashes – the Choose Your Own Adventure book with no winning pageDecember 24, 2025

    Even if we did do requests (WHICH WE DON'T), we certainly wouldn't turn them around that quickly.

  3. Ged Ladd on The Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda Ashes – the Choose Your Own Adventure book with no winning pageDecember 24, 2025

    Thus spake the chap who doesn't do requests!

  4. King Cricket on The Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda Ashes – the Choose Your Own Adventure book with no winning pageDecember 24, 2025

    He didn't do it at lunch on day two though. We're not saying it's a performance enhancer, but if you…

  5. cjw714 on The Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda Ashes – the Choose Your Own Adventure book with no winning pageDecember 24, 2025

    He's an athlete so he's paid a very decent sum of money to keep himself fit enough to play sport…

RSS Animals being conspicuously indifferent to cricket

  • A cat finally being won over to cricket by the sheer ridiculousness of the Ashes
  • A cat continuing to maintain almost ostentatiously conspicuous indifference to cricket
  • Conspicuous indifference to Dan Lawrence’s gyrations from a human being

RSS Match reports

  • Match Report: Ireland vs England, 2nd T20, Malahide
  • Keep your enemies closer | a 2019 Edgbaston Ashes Test match report
  • Match report: Sixes, Fulham

RSS Cricket bats in unusual places

  • A cricket book alongside Australia’s most ridiculous Ashes captain (statue)
  • DEVICE NEWS! (A match report being conspicuously indifferent to cricket in an unusual place)
  • A cricket bat in a Pigbag video

About King Cricket

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Recent Posts

  • The 2025 Festivus holding page: The Boxing Day Test
  • The Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda Ashes – the Choose Your Own Adventure book with no winning page
  • Sky Sports has boiled its Ashes coverage down to its purest and greatest form: Mike Atherton and Nasser Hussain standing there talking about what’s gone wrong
  • Still no Shoaib Bashir then. Do you remember when Ben Stokes used to back his spinners?
  • Can England defy the irresistible gravity of right-arm fast-medium in Adelaide? An Ashes third Test preview

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