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Test average maintenance

Bowled on 17th December, 2008 at 21:58 by King Cricket
Category: Australia cricket news

Matthew Hayden 12, Ricky Ponting 0, Mike Hussey 0.

Get back in your hole!Bring ‘em down. Bring ‘em down to a sensible level.

Those three think they’re so good. They think they can bat in any conditions against any bowler. They think they’re ‘all that’, but they’re not ‘all that’. They are, at most, ‘part of that’.

If they’re so good, let’s see how they bat in a hole; a deep hole; one so deep that they’re effectively batting beneath the level of the stumps. How well would they bat then, eh?

We’d hazard that they wouldn’t bat at all well. Their cover driving would be substantially blunted by their unusually low stance and the lack of a bat with which to hit the ball. Did we mention that they wouldn’t be allowed a bat? Because they wouldn’t.

Let’s see how they’d bat then. In those conditions, with those stipulations being enforced, those three would hardly get any runs at all. We’re sure of it.

This film features marines using the bannister when they go down some stairs. What more could you want?

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  1. Reply
    ceci   //   December 17th, 2008 at 22:15

    So you’ve come to bury Ponting not praise him? Seems good to me

  2. Reply
    David   //   December 18th, 2008 at 00:22

    They would still dominate in Saddam Hussein’s spider hole.

  3. Reply
    Alok   //   December 18th, 2008 at 00:44

    ah the bittersweet lemony tang of schadenfreude…

    Here’s one Indian fan who will not mind South africa steaming ahead to no.1 position in the icc rankings on the back of a resounding 3-0 thrashing of the aussies.

    Go Proteas!!!

  4. Reply
    MP   //   December 18th, 2008 at 04:31

    Ooh – So much love and affection to go around!

  5. Reply
    Kevin Keegan   //   December 18th, 2008 at 09:17

    I would love it if Australia lost this test. I would love it if they slip down the rankings and occupy 3rd or 4th for the next 10 years. I would love it if England can win the next test in India!

  6. Reply
    sam   //   December 18th, 2008 at 09:47

    hayden is in awful form. how much longer until they drop him? or is he undroppable?

    by the way johnson’s spell towards the end of day two is a huge moment in this series, psychologically if nothing else.

    kallis and co need to believe they can go on to score big hundreds against the aussies. they can, but they don’t believe they can.

    this is the moment that australia are there to be knocked off their perch. if the world doesn’t grab the opportunity, they will rebuild like the $6m dollar man and come back even stronger.

  7. Reply
    Ne   //   December 18th, 2008 at 11:44

    Haydo’s in hole? is that because he’s satan?
    http://scienceandpies.tumblr.com/post/65534300/bewarehyden

  8. Reply
    Suave   //   December 18th, 2008 at 12:01

    Ne, that is beautiful!!

    I’ve done one for Cricket With Balls too..


    The Church Of Sehwagology

  9. Reply
    King Cricket   //   December 18th, 2008 at 13:27

    We’re all weak-kneed.

    Gracious thanks.

  10. Reply
    Ed   //   December 18th, 2008 at 13:47

    Ne – with piccies like that, King could start his own 419-scam.

  11. Reply
    ceci   //   December 18th, 2008 at 13:58

    Oh wondrous find Ne!

  12. Reply
    Ne   //   December 18th, 2008 at 15:00

    I cannot take the credit. I got it via the Word (the music magazine) podcast. They got it from Danny Baker apparently.

    Also, I tried to make an incredibly obtuse reference to this, with the Devil Hayden in holes and that: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ipaV4k2n__I

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