A B de Villiers reckons batting isn’t so hard on this pitch after all

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Vehement letter C denier, A B de Villiers, is currently 217 not out, which knocks India’s 76 all out into a cocked hat.

A B de Villiers is young and richly talented. Let’s invite him round for tea but then pretend that we all thought he was a vegan. Then, when he asks why he’s eating different food from everyone else, we’ll say, “oh, sorry. We thought you were a vegan,” and instead of sharing the rest of the food, we’ll just let him carry on eating the vegan stuff.

Then afterwards, we’ll all play hide and seek in the garden, only everyone will hide inside when A B de Villiers is seeking and we’ll lock the door and he won’t be able to get in. Then we’ll pretend that we’ve lost the key and can’t open the door and then maybe it’ll start raining.

That’ll teach him.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. There’s the bitter sting of tears about this Oh King – a dreadful childhood trauma you are resurrecting?

  2. You seem especially bitter towards AB de Villiers. Being bitter about stupid, frightening, kitten torturing Jaques Kallis, I can understand, but AB de Villiers?

  3. AB is wonderful and makes everyone feel like a lesser mortal. He chose Cricket over rugby, tennis and golf. He’s a scratch golfer, bats, bowls, fields and keeps wicket. I hate him.

  4. Why do you have a problem with AB? Your just a loser if it makes you feel big by taking the mick out of a great cricketer. AB is awesome and you should get a life.

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