An interview with an England cricketer

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No-one in particular, it’s just ‘generic England cricketer’.

“It’s going to be tough in the Ashes, but we’re all looking forward to it. We’re going to enjoy the tour and we’re going to enjoy the experience. The great thing about this group of players is that we’re all really, really close.

“We’re going to cop some abuse, but we’re not scared. As I say, we’re looking forward to it. We’re all looking forward to contributing.

“Kevin Pietersen’s not been in great form, but he’ll come good for the Ashes, I’m sure of it. He’s really looking forward to it, same as we all are. That’s one thing we’ve been saying to each other as a group. We’re all really looking forward to it.”

To a certain extent, the interviews that we’ve paraphrased here are essentially just propaganda, emphasising that England aren’t scared of Australia. On the other hand, to repeatedly read this banal positivity from various players is dispiriting, like no-one’s got a mind of their own.

We can’t blame the England players and staff who know they’ve got to present a united, positive front, because what’s the alternative? We’re a bit disappointed with the various newspapers who’ve run this pap though.

Bland interviews with current players or bland predictions from ex-players? Is that the best that can be done at this stage?


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  1. Some journalists, i have heard, have been asking them about 2006-07 only – then watching them squirm. That’s much more interesting.

    They wince and then revert back to this particular script as quickly as a politician.

    “Everyone knows how well we played in Adelaide” one England opening batsman said…

  2. You are a bit harsh tarring them all with the same brush. Swann is rarely bland. Colly isn’t provided you catch him without any preparation. Morgan rarely says what the interviewer expects, or even anything related to the question. KP’s outburst against Buchanan lacked press conference diplomacy, and even when he is spouting platitiutdes, his grammer is eccentric enough to save him from dreariness. You’ve probably got a point about the other dozen though.

  3. Elderbrook would be the same, Deep Cower. Had someone (else) noticed his immense talent when he was younger, he’d have been fed into the system, trained how to deal with the media, turned into another mindless clone. There’d be no bestial roars, no disrobing, no prolonged bouts of unconciousness.

    Laurence Elderbrook wears a Citizen EcoDrive.

  4. I cannot believe that Laurence Elderbrook could ever have been tamed the way you suggest, Bert.

    In any case, the enormity of his talent must surely have been obvious from a very young age.

    But Laurence, from youth, was utterly dedicated to the higher ideals of the amateur game.

    Laurence has a serene dignity afforded only to the very few. Plus electric nadgers, we are lead to believe.

  5. That is a whopper of a contradiction there Bert. First you say Laurence would be tamed and then you finish off by saying laurence has the ability to harness the power of the sun to become unstopable.
    Which is it?
    KC: Which isn’t it?

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