Since the telling contributions of Luke Wright and James Tredwell against the West Indies, it’s now apparent that we know what we’re talking about. Specifically, our bowl shallow-bat deep computer game-inspired template is clearly the way forward.
With that in mind, we thought we’d outline a five-point plan as to how England should approach the remainder of the tournament, calling on all our expertise and years of experience.
Step one: Call up Ian Austin to replace the injured Ajmal Shahzad. Yes, Austin retired from first-class cricket in 2001, but he needed a rest. He’ll be fresh now and no cricketer is better suited to our tactics.
Step two: Actually, you know what? One step is enough when it’s as spectacularly effective as this. Get 44-year-old Ian Austin into the team and everything else will just fall into place.
We’re so excited about this plan, we’re going to celebrate by wearing our tracksuit bottoms during the day.