Andrew Flintoff’s advice for his team mates

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“The spirit’s been good but maybe we need to draw on each other a little bit more.”

We used to draw on Chris during maths. At first we pretended to draw on the back of his neck. When he caught on that we were only pretending, we actually drew on him and in his ignorance he didn’t stop us.

Chris got his revenge when he and Tim took it in turns to write footballers’ names over the top of our homework. It was the one, solitary occasion when we’d actually done it. Mr Williams just sighed. He didn’t even shout.

We think Mr Williams might have given up on us prior to footballers-names-on-homework-gate.


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  1. I used to sit next to a Chris in maths. We played one inch punches to the head until someone gave up. I never lost the contests, but think i might of lost literally, as I’m now a semi literate retard fella.

    He who dares.

  2. Tim, Chris, Mr Williams…
    You went to the *most* nondescript school in the UK, for sure. Almost as nondescripit as my own alma mater (can northern comps be described as alma maters? Does my pluralising alma mater as alma maters in someway answer that question?)
    I sat next to Chris in maths too. Different Chris though.

  3. Weirdly enough, I, too, sat next to Chris in maths.

    That was until Chris threw a pair of scissors at my head. Mr Douglas banished Chris to the seat next to Odd Edward.

    He never really recovered.

  4. Flintoff’s right, it was definitely a spirited 51 all out. England really went down fighting in that innings.

  5. I sat next to Slobodan in maths. We used to run walkman headphones through our blazer sleeves, and didnt really talk to each other or anyone else.

  6. I sat next to Neil.
    He smelt like marmalade, in a good way.
    i think i loved him.
    Bill sat next to Chris.

  7. I sat next to a Chris in Latin lessons. Never in maths, though. Very much doubt it was the same Chris…but it might have been.

  8. Well, I didn’t sit next to Chris in Maths class. He was my roommate and I couldn’t take another hour of his snoring.

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