Australia add boring partnerships to their repertoire

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If there’s one thing Australia have been lacking, it’s dull, steady, three-an-over partnerships in the middle order. Today they got one and they look like a proper team again.

Even while gaily twerking atop England’s comatose body, there was a fragility about the Aussie Test team. How odd that they should give the impression of solidity through Shaun Marsh, the flakiest cricketer since… well, since Shane Watson, who he replaced.

Marsh is a true all-rounder when it comes to flakiness. Physically, he’s only ever one ill-advised blink away from a major muscle strain and behaviour-wise, he’s been known to partake of liquid refreshment. He once made reference to having a favourite vodka. Honestly, who has a favourite vodka?

Then there’s performance. It takes real commitment to the art of making a balls of things to maintain an average of 35 in first-class cricket when you’re also capable of looking as skilled as Shaun Marsh. At the age of 30, this is only his ninth first-class hundred. And just look at this run of Test scores. It’s demented. It’s top form or no form and no middle ground. Yet somehow this is the man who delivered much-needed easy-not-to-watch functionality.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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    1. You could do a druggie XI from 1990s English county players. Allegedly.

      Most of them played for Warwickshire. Allegedly.

      Keith Piper, Ed Giddins, Graham Wagg, Paul Smith. Allegedly.

    2. This is starting to sound like a niche round on an old episode of Have I Got News For You.

  1. Langer has locked up all his favourite vodkas in a dungeon underneath the LilleeMarsh stand at the WACA. That’s why hasn’t been caught out on the slops since his ballsup in SA 2 years ago.

    He’ll revert to his mean after this innings. No-one can play that mediocrely for that long without it being his real self doing it.

    1. When I heard that Ryder and Bracewell had been suspended yet again, my immediate thought was of the Marsh brothers.

      What would a “pisshead XI” look like? Are there enough consistent offenders in or at the fringes of national teams to assemble one?

      L Pommersbach
      S Marsh
      J Ryder
      M Marsh
      D Bracewell
      M Panesar(?)

    2. Is this current players only?

      Pit an Eighties Piss Artists XI against its contemporary equivalent and you’ll see how times have changed. This would have been a far easier task in yesteryear.

    3. David Warner

      To be fair to Ryder and Bracewell, they probably haven’t been watching that much of the cricket lately, so I think they didn’t know that NZ isn’t quite so hard up for players just at the moment.

    4. Actually I’d pay Warner.
      Don’t know about Surrey as pissartistry doesn’t seem to adequately cover their activities. Allegedly.
      It is sad indictment that with the large amount of money flowing into the game the pissartistry has tailed off. Not that I would condone alcoholism, just that you would like to think if the game is truly ‘pure’ that all you would really worry about is whether or not someone can play, rather than what their skinfold readings are or whether they like a drink or nine.
      Actually in the last decade or so you are probably more likely to compile a pothead XI (mainly from South Africa. Allegedly.) than you would a pisshead XI.

    5. Ed Giddins would have to be the baddest mofo of them all. Drugs, chucker & fixer (Gibbs probably looked up to him).

      Aktar runs him close; drugs & STDs.

      Stephen Fleming reckoned over half the kiwi team was on the herb during the SA tour in the mid 90s, including him.

      Most of the Saffa team in 2000, Tuffnell, Botham, Akram & a couple of his team mates all lit up in the Windies. Must be some kickass dope in the Caribbean.

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