England cricketers playing football

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We know that many of you spent your childhoods betting how many quail eggs your servants could find in half an hour, but we went to a normal school.

We played football pretty much every day for five years and never once got injured. When England’s cricketers get a football out, it’s like a battle scene from Braveheart. Even Andrew Strauss admits it, saying ‘it gets the blood flowing’.

Joe Denly‘s injured this time, but Matt Prior and James Anderson have also fallen foul of this seemingly life-threatening sport within the last year or so.

Maybe this is what happens when you pit competitive individuals against each other in a sport they can’t play. We move that the ECB force the players to wear huge foam costumes when they warm-up from now on, like from It’s A Knockout.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Shah appears to be performing some kind of One Inch Punch move on Denners, potentially contributing to the twisted knee. One Inch Punches should only be used in extreme circumstances. Like when your brother has left your Duncan Fernley in the garden overnight. KEEEYYAGGGH!

  2. 13.

    That was our servants’ record.

    One once claimed 18 but we discovered they’d raided a swallow’s nest, which was against the rules.

    They were disciplined.

  3. I’d like to give Shah rather more than a One Inch Punch and I’m not being smutty. Clumsy twat.

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