Ashes or one-day cricket?

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Optimus Prime - day oneAs an England supporter, it’s tempting to think that you’d take the Ashes over a one-day series win.

No other nationality would think like this. Most people would at least entertain the idea that their side could win both and might even be persuaded into thinking that they were in fact more likely to win a one-day series after beating the same opponents in Test cricket.

But we’re not like that. We’re English. We’ve won the Ashes and now we have to pay for it. Life is about enduring almost perpetual misery to justify fleeting moments of happiness.

It’s about three months of rain making one day of sunshine so much more cheering. It’s about growing up eating corned beef sandwiches so that you can go abroad when you’re older and be impressed by every meal. It’s about having Optimus Prime for a day, accidentally breaking his arm off and then having a rubbish, one-armed Optimus Prime for three years, at which point his other arm breaks off and you’ve got a no-armed Optimus Prime from then on.

In short, it’s mostly about being unhappy.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. Australia did the same thing in 2007 – lost the ODI series to you after beating you in last Ashes, so its hardly an English thing.

    you’ll find it is not an uncommon occurrence – taking your foot off the pedal after climbing the mountain, achieving your goals then losing momentum, and all that blah.

    It’s quite normal behaviour, in fact, KC. Sorry. You’re not unique at all.

  2. Australians would have thought that they could win though. That’s the point. Deep down everyone English knew that the one-day series was going to be bleak.

    Besides, the Aussies won the World Cup about a fortnight after they lost the VB Series.

  3. “Deep down everyone English knew that the one-day series was going to be bleak.”

    No wonder you need more Saffers. You won’t win anything with that attitude, dear. Where’s Trott?

  4. For those of us a generation older and closer to death than KC, please substitute Evel Kneival or Steve Austen for Optimus Prime. Steve Austen’s Rubber arm thingy perished leaving him looking like a robot, and Evel Kneivel’s stunt bike just didn’t work very well. The joy of opening those two on Christmas mornings in the seventies was paid for with interest.

  5. I have just returned from a few days away and saw the King Cricket e-mail link at the top of my enormous e-mail pile.

    This sight caused me great excitement, especially as I had enjoyed all the gloating so much before I went away.

    Sadly, this particular piece did not live up to my expectations.


    I’ll expect less next time.

  6. Whichever Christmas it was when Optimus Prime was THE toy to have (I’ll have a guess,’88?) I actually got two of them!

    How do you like them apples KC?

    They now reside in my sisters loft.

  7. TWO Optimus Primes? Surely there can be only one, with the other become some sort of Optimus Subprime?

    Either way, I now brand you Dandy Dan. Two Optimus Primes, indeed. That’s like having one Barbie and two Kens.


  8. Thanks Mahinda. Price and I were thinking that Dan on its own wasn’t very interesting.

    Dandy Dan from now on it is.

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