New Zealand drew with South Africa because it pissed it down on the last day. As a result, the Saffers cannot secure the 3-0 series win they would need to become the top-ranked Test side.
This is a highlight. This is better than a Test championship. England have retained the top spot in the Test rankings because a match involving two other teams was rained off.
This is cricket in its purest form: glory in absentia as a result of precipitation. It’s like hardcore Duckworth-Lewis or something.
The English know how to experience a moment of triumph – indifferently, perhaps while eating a crumpet.