England v Pakistan 2010 Oval Test, day two match report

Bradders writes:

One year on from my wedding, I was again confronted with the prospect of missing more cricket. This year, however, we had decided to have our anniversary in London rather than Ireland, therefore enabling us to go to the Oval for day two of the third Test.

Technically, it was the imbibing of several glasses of wine and Bulmers on the evening of the 18th that allowed me to persuade Pauline that a day at the cricket was not to be missed – but nevertheless, on the morning of the 19th, we set off confidently and willingly to the Oval.

Arriving slightly hungover, we purchased our tickets and then, in swift succession, two litres of water and two large bacon sandwiches. Settling down in our seats we were overjoyed to discover that we were seated in between two very large men who would keep us warm and provide all the necessary padding that the tiny and hard Oval seats are normally lacking.

Pakistan were batting, but due to the realisation that these two large men were very sweaty and the sun was hot, coupled with the arrival of a stag party of about 20 lads who took up residence in front of us, we didn’t watch much of the match.

Indeed as the lunch interval came around, Pauline turned to me and said “when is something going to happen?” Having explained that this was actually the format for the rest of the day, she subsided into silence only to be reawakened by the delivery of a pint of Pimm’s moments later.

As the day progressed, the stag party got louder discoursing on various topics including:

  • The various ladies that the groom had slept with (few and far between apparently).
  • The unfortunate nature of the best man’s moustache (a very ‘Hitler’ style affair)
  • The merits of Disney versus MGM cartoons (Tom and Jerry was adjudged the best)
  • Whether the groom had spent sufficient money on the wedding ring. (At this point I was roped in to deliver a verdict, although hastily claimed ignorance of the customs of the UK as I had done all my marrying and buying of rings out of the country (Ireland and Dubai).

Over the course of the afternoon, we gradually lost our cushions on either side of us and then eventually our sobriety as the Pimm’s and lager took hold.

By the end of the day, Pauline proclaimed that it had been ‘good fun’ although there were not enough sixes hit to make the cricket itself interesting. Our next game is likely to be a Twenty20 between Pakistan and South Africa in Dubai. Whilst we will be gaining the sixes, we will also be losing the alcohol.

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6 Appeals

  1. Tom and Jerry better than Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote or Marvin the Martian? (or even Pepe le Pew) Philistine! (although I will accept they’re less annoying than Bugs Bunny or Porky Pig…)

    I think it’s supposed to be Pimm’s and Lemonade – I didn’t realize they sold it with lager as a mixer…

  2. Well that certainly put me in my place, KC. There was me being sarcastic about the time elapsed between a match and a match report, and you go and put one up a matter of a few days after the end of the match.

    Oh, wait a minute, it was arseing months ago.

    Anyhoo, another good report Bradders. Stag dos at test matches are a tremendous source of entertainment. Regarding the wife, though, I might suggest one of two courses of action:

    1. Introduce her to test cricket via its inherent subtleties, rather than via 20/20. The constant tension between attack and defence in every aspect of the game, the reversal of the risk-reward balance between batting and bowling, the importance of the mental aspect of what is superficially a physical game, all of these things I am sure will intrigue any intelligent, thinking person.

    2. Don’t bother taking her any more, so that you can enjoy a day out with the lads, drinking yourself daft and not having to listen to irritating questions.

  3. Bloody women

  4. I feel I have to have my say in this one!

    Not only did I break the mould and marry an English man, I also vowed to love and honour the game of cricket. I am a massive sports fan, born into a horse racing house in the heart of munster rugby territory. Growing up playing hurling, our highly skillful national game, the fastest field game in the world. (Which has loads of rules Bradders, just cos you haven’t grasped them yet!) There is a big difference between a high intensity 70 minute hurling match and an 8 hour test game!

    Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the complexity of cricket but it would take any newbie a while to pick up all the rules. I have already broadened my vocabulary to include LBWs, yorkers, ducks and fast spin bowling but that day was a particularly slow day in the test! It hasn’t put me off however. I will go again and I will be up watching the Ashes on Christmas night. I do think though that 20/20 is a good game to begin with as it is exciting and an easy way to get involved with cricket.

    I actually gave my cricket mad husband a first anniversary present of the trip to the oval for said cricket match. He doesn’t find any interest I show in cricket irritating, he is a true advocate of the game and happy to widen the cricket audience to include everyone, bloody women and even bloody Irish women, who, by the way SAM would drive you to the back of beyond with my reverse sweep in garden cricket.

  5. Dear Pauline the wife
    Welcome to the start of a long and happily nerdy relationship with cricket.
    Here you will be amongst friends as you try to keep awake and keep it together through the last two Ashes tests.
    Join us on the Through the Night Thread as Tight But Loose tries to keep the cat from stealing his duvet and Ged comes up with more of his up-to-the minute Venn diagrams.

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