How the ECB made its BIG DECISIONS about county cricket

Posted by
< 1 minute read

ECB Bod: Right, okay. We’re here to sort out this mess that we call county cricket. First of all: what’s the problem?

ECB Fella: Well it’s too much cricket, isn’t it? We’ve commissioned 15 studies, asked the players, asked the media, asked the fans, asked this guy with sticks in his hair who was collecting cigarette butts and squawking like an angry bird somewhere near Trevi’s Fountain in Rome – they all say there’s too much cricket.

ECB Bod: Too much cricket, eh? Who’d have thought it?

ECB Fella: Not me.

ECB Bod: Okay, so have we got a plan. How are we going to tackle this?

ECB Fella: We’ve commissioned another five studies and asked players, fans and media, but we couldn’t find the guy with sticks in his hair.

ECB Bod: No?

ECB Fella: No ‘fraid not. I found some really old blu-tack in my drawer though, so I asked that instead.

ECB Bod: And was there a consensus?

ECB Fella: Oh yes, absolutely. They all suggested the counties should play less.

ECB Bod: Excellent. Sounds like a plan. How much less?

ECB Fella: Ooh, dunno. Shall we try and knock eight to 12 days off the fixture list?

ECB Bod: Yeah, that sounds about right. Eight to 12 days. Which days will those be?

ECB Fella: Christ, I dunno. We’ve already worked out people want less county cricket. Can’t we sort out the details next year?

ECB Bod: Yeah, why not. We’ll do it next year. We’ve done plenty already. Gin?

ECB Fella: Don’t mind if I do.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. sorry for ambushing this post but i thought it was important to bring this great compition to the people who need it most.

    Win your very own copy of matthew haydens book.

    i recommend taking the time to read the extract. Although please remember you’ll never get that time back.

    good luck.

  2. Well that’s rather sabotaged this afternoon’s post.


    You’ll be getting Laurence Elderbrook instead.

    It’s Brad’s fault.

  3. Thanks Brad – big ups from me on both counts.

    I submitted the following:

    “Matty’s first baller at Edgbaston, August 5th, 2005. Hoggard the bowler, Strauss the catcher. I was there, boyo, I was there.”

    I didn’t want to join the Oz cricket family, so I submitted under an assumed 10 digit number, starting with ‘100’.

  4. I also enjoyed the insider account in some reports about the ECB meeting as “wide ranging and mostly inconclusive”. I aim for these qualities in my working day.

Comments are closed.