Just a few more hours and then maybe we’ll all be safe

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We’ve lived near Manchester Airport for most of our life and we have never seen a light in the sky quite like the one we saw last night. It was off-white, indistinct and almost certainly an alien spacecraft.

Aliens have, quite understandably, come to earth to see whether Warwickshire can beat Hampshire to secure the County Championship. We can’t know who they are supporting. All we can do is hope that results go their way so that they don’t lose their rag and enslave humanity.

Not knowing where there allegiance lies, we will continue supporting Mike Carberry and Neil McKenzie in their efforts to thwart the Bears as this is the only way Lancashire might win. If the aliens do turn out to be Warwickshire supporters and Lancashire do somehow take the title, let it be known that we are prepared to meekly switch allegiance for next season should our new extraterrestrial overlords deem this necessary.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. It’s hard to see a way out of this for us, KC, alien invasions included. There is a distinct change in the atmosphere around these parts today. I’m feeling very flat right now. I’ve tried to put the fizz back – with cigarettes, with whisky, and several times with wild, wild women, but none of these made me smile like they do on a normal Thursday morning.

    But life goes on, I guess. The streets of Manchester are full of people on their way to work, but there’s none of that joie de vivre that you normally feel while walking through Ancoats – no cheery doffed hats of morning greeting, no-one skipping along the pavement, no-one whistling a merry tune as they make their way. It’s as if people are simply ignoring those around them and just trying to get to the office for a dull and pointless day’s work. It’s no better when you arrive at work. The talk is all about some football that some local teams played last evening – clearly an attempt at distraction just to avoid thinking about the cricket. Nobody in my office was interested in doing a Conga to the Black Lace CD I’d brought in, and the boss just said “Get on with some sodding work!” when I suggested that we all play charades. It’s a little bit surreal, frankly.

  2. He he – you said “there” instead of “their”…

    “Not knowing where there allegiance lies, we will continue supporting Mike Carberry and Neil McKenzie in their efforts to thwart the Bears as this is the only way Lancashire might win.”

    All sorts of strange goings on lately!

    1. ‘There allegiance’ and ‘their efforts’.

      At least we managed to prove that it was a typo and not ignorance. Or maybe the second one was a typo and the first one was ignorance.

      Who knows?

      We know.

      It was a typo.

    1. Peter Trego still not out.

      The situation seems to have changed enormously in the 20 minutes since lunch. It really is astonishingly dramatic for the three dozen people who’ve put time in and become absorbed by this competition.

    2. Lancs have about half an hour to get these last two wickets, and even then it’s a tough proposition. I’ve re-adopted resigned miserableness as my emotion of choice.

  3. Is anyone listening on 5live sports extra? Dougie Brown is really starting to grate…

    How is Trego managing to play a sensible knock? Is going to be an interesting climax.

  4. I’ve always struggled a bit with county cricket – I was born in Essex, and now live in Kent, but I grew up in the posh bit of Trafford that likes to think of itself as Cheshire.

    My dad spent most of my formative years trying to convince me that Graham Gooch was the best cricketer ever, and in his old age he has formed a worrying attachment to Alastair Cook.

    I used to deliver Neil Fairbrother’s newspaper, which proved an acceptable excuse for not following Essex (although if I’d applied the same logic to football and supported Manchester United because of Bryan Robson I would have been banished from the house.)

    It turns out the mistake I was making all along was to overlook the fact that I am actually a massive Hampshire fan.

  5. i literally have no idea what’s going to happen

    it’s extraordinary how exciting such a dull competition can be.

    1. Sam, despite being on opposite sides of this equation, I am completely with you. I have no idea what is going to happen. The only thing I would say with even a hint of reasonableness is that Warwickshire will find it harder to get a win than Lancashire from here. Which is not to say that Lancs will win, of course, and a draw might well be all that Warwickshire need.

      179 needed for Lancs, ten wickets in hand.
      5 wickets plus 94 runs plus some more runs needed for Warwickshire.
      Two hours to go.

      Best of luck – I hope you can enjoy it. I’m off to hide under my extra-dark Edgbaston 2005 blanket.

    2. Lancashire are positively STEAMING along.

      Hampshire are negatively frozen still. Which is bad for Warwickshire.

      Mighty Neil McKenzie must have had all the toilet seats up and his bat taped to the ceiling before this titanic knock. (Those are his superstitions for those who don’t know.)

    1. Eh, what? Oh bloody hell. I’m going back under the Blanket of Mental Safety. I like it there. See you all in a month.

    1. Lancashire need 11 runs to win the County Championship with eight wickets in hand.

      Faint feelings of confidence start to flow.

  6. I’ve just finished mowing the lawn, hopefully the last time before the Autumn sets in properly. Lancashire are County Champions, but there are several weeds that need removing from the Timperley Early patch. The kids are playing cricket in the back now, and Lancashire are County Champions. I’ll do them some tea in a moment, probably some pasta. Lancashire are County Champions, then it’s bed for the kids – Bert Jr will read his Artemis Fowl book; I’ll probably read Boris’s Big Bogie to Ernie. Then downstairs, Lancashire are County Champions, a cup of tea and a slice of cake, and a bit of telly.

    Nothing changes really, but in a way, it really does.

  7. Well done you Lankies and serves you right Warwickshire, I haven’t forgotten how the Bears stiffed Sussex for promotion I think it was back in whenever it was 2003 or something, Martlets are like Elephants ( apart from the trunk and the wings and things ) we never forget.

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