Kamran Akmal’s back

Sexyyyy - nothing about you is sexyyyy

As in ‘returned’. He hasn’t got ankylosing spondylitis or anything.

Or has he? Actually, that would explain a lot. Lack of core mobility would probably have an impact on catching ability and could potentially give rise to the level of pan-handed buffoonery exhibited by Kamran Akmal.

Actually, on second thoughts, no-one’s back’s THAT bad.

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17 Appeals

  1. Buffoonery. Yes, I’ll stick to that one. Won’t cause trouble that way.

  2. Seeing Kamran Akmal in action, I was moved to write a terrible poem on Jarrod’s site years ago – seems appropriate now that he’s back.

    Kamran! Kamran!

    Kamran, Kamran, turning white
    Behind the stumps, day and night
    So crappy are your hand and eye
    Enough to make any skipper cry.

    In what distant deeps or skies
    Did you learn to concede byes?
    When the ball went near the rope
    Did you cry? Or did you hope?

    Is that metal? Or a body part?
    How can you be such a giant fart?
    Not a little remorse did you feign
    When you dropped Hussey yet again.

    Screw the stumps! Screw the bails!
    You enjoy watching ‘em bite their nails
    Even after the agony and pain
    You never train, you never complain.

    When the captain laid bare his fears
    And watered the pitch with his tears
    All you did was point with glee
    That he could instead try to pee.

    Kamran, Kamran, turning white
    Behind the stumps, in the night
    So crappy are your hand and eye
    Enough to make any skipper cry.

  3. He looks like Gizmo off Gremlins.

  4. woh, where did that hover caption come from? The one on the last post was more your style

    • King Cricket

      July 17, 2012 at 10:32 pm

      It’s a twist on the lyrics to a bad song once sung by Kevin Pietersen’s missus.

      We know that’s not a particularly obvious or meaningful reference, but hey.

    • I love the “KP’s Mrs” reference by way of explanation/excuse.

  5. The only way I would rate this man as a keeper would be if he confessed to receiving vast sums of money from shady bookmakers.
    Since there is no evidence that this is the case, I can only conclude he is in fact terrible at his job and would likely struggle to hold his place behind the stumps in Bert Junior’s under 11s side.

  6. May I be the first to call him “Kakmal” again?

  7. Sports Betting

    July 18, 2012 at 7:15 am

    To me he is a good player and i think he will now better than before because he got a chance to play again in PK team.

    • King Cricket

      July 18, 2012 at 9:26 am

      That’s an interesting view, Sports Betting. Would you care to expand on your reasoning?

    • King Cricket

      July 18, 2012 at 9:27 am

      I’ve removed the link from your name, by the way. Hope that’s okay.

    • Your starter for 10…why would someone called “Sports Betting” want Kamran Akmal back in the Pakistan team?

  8. Eeh, I’ve just noticed his impressive bum chin.

  9. We hadn’t seen your “ankylosing spondylitis” joke for some time, KC. Thank you for slipping it in again.

    I hope Kamran Akmmal has a thick skin. Not that I think he might be susceptible to necrotising fasciitis or anything like that, but he does seem to be the Salman/Ijaz (Butt) of many jokes of the strong meat variety.

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