Kevin Pietersen abuses South Africa and buys England some time

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Intimidation factor conspicuous by its absence

Up until today, South Africa have been appropriating England’s Test template. They’ve batted for bloody ages and wearied the opposition batsmen in the process, sapping their concentration and vitality. Their first innings 419 wasn’t a monstrous score, but 139 overs was plenty to put into England’s legs and minds.

It was also plenty of overs to subtract from the match, considering England have to win to have any chance of winning this stupidly short series. However, England have a Kevin Pietersen and if you have one of those, you can buy yourself a lot of time.

This 149 not out off 212 balls has included some shots that are ridiculous even when measured on the KP scale. One kamehameha drive could quite honestly have killed Dale Steyn if it hadn’t just missed his head, while a ludicrous straight six shortly afterwards snuffed out a lot of South African enthusiasm. That’s also handy. There’s more than one way to dispirit the opposition.

If you can refrain from trying to mimic him, it must be easier batting in partnership with Pietersen. The bowlers might have some added fire initially, but it would take adamantium resolve for them to shrug off some of his boundaries. They basically amount to abuse. Even the best bowler in the world can be cowed by that – at least temporarily.

Kev’s task now is to shrug off today’s cockiness and get himself in again tomorrow. Unfortunately, while he can do some amazing things with a bat in his hand, but we’re not entirely certain that’s one of them. Also, the weather forecast’s crap for day four. He definitely can’t sort that.


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  1. KP can’t change the weather for tomorrow – that would be ridiculous. However, Jessica Ennis, Mo Farah, Greg Rutherford, Dani King, Laura Trott and Joanna Rowsell, Sophie Hosking and Katherine Copeland, and Pete Reed, Andy Triggs Hodge, Tom James and Alex Gregory – they can most certainly change the weather, and the direction of the Earth’s rotation, and whatever else you want to them to change, because they are complete superstars the lot of them.

    I love cricket with a passion. Is there any being played today?

    1. They should get cricket into the Olympics. Bert, King Cricket, surely we can make it happen between us. Go.

    2. They should treat it like the swimming. There should be eight gold medals available for every skill.

    3. Let’s not forget the cricket was in the Olympics. We are therefore the current Olympic cricket champions

    1. The phrase “[i]t is just possible that Pietersen is playing his penultimate Test” in a speculative article by George Dobell does not comprise “news” in my view, sam.

      But I take your point.

    2. It is just possible that Dale Steyn is playing his penultimate Test. It is just possible that we are watching our penultimate Test.

    3. It’s news that the article was published. It’s not news that he might be playing his penultimate Test – that’s merely speculation, conjecture and opinion.

  2. Japanese porn (or something like that). Stunningly accurate predictions. It’s all here. Come over for your cricket news!

  3. KP being near the end of his test career for England is something Mike Selvey of Guardian – he of closeness to Andy Flower and the England Cricket Management – has been hinting for quite some time. And he seemed quite gleeful about it.

    Wonder what the Saffers are thinking about it now – if I were the SACB chief, I’d be reaching out to Kevin with offers of a medium sized island somewhere in the Pacific, Any-Time-Coupons for Angelina Jolie/Janine Kallis/Or-whoever-Kevin-fancies and mandatory daily leg massages by Graeme Smith.

  4. Hinting about the end of a player’s career is a soft target for sports journalists.

    Eventually (and in the time horizon of a journalist, that means reasonably soon) the journalist will ALWAYS be able to say “I told you so”.

    It reminds me of the hypochondriac’s tombstone self-epitaph: “I told you I was ill”.

  5. Ged, to be fair, to me it looks more like Selvey planting the team management’s version of the stand-off between KP and ECB/ECM, and possibly trying to paint KP in grey/black shades. I think it is less of a prediction and more of a desire.

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