Martin van Jaarsveld thrives under his captain

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Martin van Jaarsveld - no, it isn't a kind of cheeseNot literally under his captain. That would be painful, even allowing for Rob Key’s new, racing snake physique.

Against Surrey, Martin van Jaarsveld hit two unbeaten hundreds and took 5-33, even though he’d never taken more than two wickets in an innings before.

When asked what precipitated this rare spell of form, he responded:

“I’ve been having trouble with my backlift of late. I was trying to iron things out in the nets when Rob came past, mumbling. I think it was some sort of incantation because there was a sudden, blinding light and the next thing I know I’m in the physio’s room and my lunch money’s gone.

“Pretty much the same thing happened the next day and the day after that. By the first day of the Surrey match I was feeling a bit light-headed with having missed the majority of my meals, but there was a calmness in my delirium and everything just clicked.”

Van Jaarsveld then added: “The bowling was a fluke though.”


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  1. You used to race against snakes or you had a stable of snakes that raced?

  2. Accept Key as Magik Keys – but the missing lunch money? Who was it who was suspected of being shifty in the Kent camp a few posts back ….The boy Denley! – is he being a cricketing Artful Dodger here?

  3. Ceci HAS misspelt Denly. Pah!

    *scowls at friend for digging up that boring old, snobby chestnut again*

    MVJ got the Dancing Pensioner first ball too. His first championship duck for 3 years! Afterwards Bobby said, “‘Jarre’ had a bit of a ‘Roy of The Rovers’ type day.”

  4. Oh, no worries – my mistake. I thought you knew something about cricket!

  5. Or, Jrod, is this some outback protection term that you’ve misspelled – you actually used to mace snakes…

  6. Oh come on – Denly was just made to play the part of the Artful Dodger.

    MVJ, just fantastic! Fab: as long as he does not try to pull that type of stunt tomorrow, OK!?

  7. The problem with macing snakes is that they’ve got small eyes, so it’s hard to be accurate.

    Unless you’re actually bashing them on the head with some sort of medieval war mace, which would be very effective, I’m sure.

  8. *glares at SixSixEight and prays even harder for a resounding Spitfires victory tomorrow*

  9. Woo! Another unbeaten century today for Jaare!

    Oh, and one for the southern bit part player too.


  10. Dodger and MVJ…….very, very, very, very disobedient ! Off to the naughty corner for them – but even that’s too good! Bastards!

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