Mohsin Khan’s dad qualities

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< 1 minute read

Pakistan had a job to do, but most of the players were just dicking about. Umar Gul was ragging round on his BMX, Mohammad Hafeez was telling naughty jokes and Kamran Akmal was skulking in the shrubbery, encouraging his brothers to smoke cigarettes.

Misbah-ul-Haq was trying to get everybody to concentrate, but they were all ignoring him because he was boring.

Then Mohsin Khan turned up.

Mohsin was carrying a tape measure and a tool kit. More importantly, everyone could instantly tell that he was as sensible as brown bread.

You don’t dick about when there’s a dad there because he’ll bollock you, so everyone got organised, just like he told them to. Secretly, the players were all glad of this. They didn’t really like the chaos; it was just that there had been no-one to stop it.

Pakistan’s coach is to chaos what a fat person is to a slice of cheesecake. He devours it so completely, there’s no sign it was ever there. However, unlike a cheesecake-eating fat person, he has very good reasons for doing what he does. Everything is done for a reason. Everything makes perfect sense.

Mohsin Khan is blessed with the wisdom of the dads.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. It was U10 team’s turn to marshall the car park at the rugby on Sunday last, so the coaches and parents were all busy. The boys were hitting each other with tackle bags, leaping onto piles of post-shields, and generally larking about.

    A dad was required. I was there, and I was a dad. It was my finest moment.

  2. It was hard for Kamran Akmal to encourage his brothers to smoke cigarettes when he kept dropping them (the fags that is, not his brothers).

  3. While reading this line “Pakistan’s coach is to chaos what a fat person is to a slice of cheesecake” i suddenly thought how does King Cricket look like…Is there a photo of u anywhere

  4. This is an appeal! MiLord, it has been the hard work of ex-dad Waqar Younis that has led to a united resurgent Pakistan. Mohsin is just enjoying the labors of Waqar. Respectfully, I wouldn’t count on him keeping his shit together when the times are tough.

  5. The fat person might have eaten the cheesecake slice, but there is a distinct possibility that it could re-appear at any moment.

  6. One of the bonuses of my non-Giles Clarke approved viewing of said series (accompanied by Test Match Sofa audio on the smart phone) has been the Shahid Afridi and Ramiz Raja Head & Shoulders Shampoo ads.

    Is it true, has Ramiz really updated his haircut from something that was the height of fashion in 1978?

    KC did tell me this was always the place to discuss Ramiz Raja’s hair.

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