At the moment we can merely smell Rob Key being part of England, but soon – oh so soon – we’ll actually get to taste it. It’ll taste like hand-pulled elixir of life and we’ll quaff it like there’s no tomorrow.
This is ironic, because the elixir of life kind of devalues the concept of ‘tomorrow’. With eternal life, you can pace yourself; there’s no need to live each day to the full. We’ve got to get us some elixir of life, even if it’s just bottle-conditioned.
Rob Key is in the 25-man England Performance Squad. The Performance Squad is a kind of thumbs-up system the England selectors use for letting players know that they think they’re good.
The mainstream media have gone with the James Foster and Sajid Mahmood angle, which is an unsatisfactorily obtuse angle. The national media are as crap at reporting on 25-man England Performance Squads as they are at reporting on provisional 30-man England Twenty20 squads.
If any of the national newspapers want a specialist to help them cover big, unwieldy, largely meaningless England cricket squads, we’re open to offers.