Royal Challengers Bangalore v Cape Cobras match report

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Dapper Dan writes:

My day began as most of my days have begun recently:

  1. Girlfriend’s alarm goes off at 6.15am, she gets up, goes in shower, I go back to sleep.
  2. Girlfriend leaves for work approximately 7.15am, wakes me up to say goodbye, I go back to sleep.
  3. Sunlight in bedroom wakes me up approximately 10.30am. Turn on TV and check which Top Gear is being shown on Dave ja Vu. Realise I’ve seen this one at least 50 times so decide to watch This Morning instead. Still coming to grips with the idea of seeing a reasonably attractive, young lady presenting it with Phil instead of the motherly natured Fern. Think I prefer Fern at this time in the morning.

Receive text from Price telling me it was a good thing I laminated the Bat for the Draw cards I’d made for him for his birthday as they’d just been through the wash. I sent him a reply reminding him of the value of checking your pockets before doing a wash.

Checked the post and opened a letter telling me that my unemployed status was to be no more in a few weeks. Therefore decided I should use what time I had left wisely.

After going for a very pleasant ride on my bike, I caught the end of the Twenty20 Champions League opening ceremony. Made me wonder what the world has come to. I missed the very first ball because I was making a cup of tea, but then sat down with said tea and the last piece of apple cake I had made a few days previously to watch the team in the stupid gold helmets bat. I also pondered whether we should really spend all that money on the curtains in John Lewis that we’d seen.

As with most limited overs forms of the game, I quickly got distracted and went to do the dishes. Girlfriend returned home and slyly changed the TV to watch Neighbours and then Home and Away (I was still listening, but didn’t notice her act). Was made aware of her sneakiness when the Home and Away theme tune blared out. I politely asked her if my previous listening could be resumed.

Sat down and watched with an unexplainable amount of enjoyment the South African team win. Then decided I was hungry so went to make burgers for dinner. They turned out to be delicious which wasn’t a big surprise as I make excellent burgers.

After this I baked another apple cake:

Apple cake that has most likely been eaten by now being as it was made months ago

Send your match reports to – but on no account mention the cricket.


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  1. I don’t that bit about South Africans winning – seems a touch unnecessary – but top report otherwise Dapper.

    Those girlfriend-types can be sly when it comes to switching channels. Sometimes they switch it onto the cricket because they actually enjoy Twenty20.

    You really should check who’s holding the remote before going to do the dishes…

  2. This is more like it. Top report. I agree with D about the Saffer team slip up though.

    All we need now is a couple of Transformer themed updates, a few comments from Brian and it’ll be just like the old days.

    By the way, what’s Elderbrook up to these days?

  3. Could you please add some kind of scale to your cake pictures in future? I can’t tell whether or not the cake and plate are massive, or whether it’s a doll’s house plate with appropriately sized cake. The latter, were it the case, would make me sad. No-one should have such small cakes.

  4. Dapper Dan was remarking/complaining to me just the other day at a friends wedding that his report hadnt been issued yet.

    It’s like the King has telepathic abilities

    Either that or Dan had complained

  5. This is what it’s all about. Marvellous effort, Dan.

    One question. In your new job, do you have the opportunity to sit and browse cricket-related websites all day? Or do you have to do that other thing, oh, what’s it called now? Er, thingy, you know. No, sorry, it’s gone.

  6. Ed, he’s in Sudan at the minute. Something about a gentleman’s wager.

    He didn’t go into specifics, but we believe he’s taken eight waistcoats with him, so he might be gone a while.

  7. Oh, I should have said. I assumed that getting a job is what you meant when you said your unemployed status was coming to an end. If it was that a South American military junta had arrested you on trumped-up charges of sedition, and had just set a date for you to face a firing squad in some squalid, dusty courtyard, sorry.

  8. I am with string here

    At the moment it looks more like a bun to me and quite a dry one at that

  9. ah, the importance of checking your pockets before a wash.

    curse you, stray biro pens. curse you a thousand times.

  10. String-The plate has a diameter of 16cm. As the slice of cake takes up a fair proportion of that, i’d say it’s a largish piece of cake.

    Bert-Unfortuantly I can’t read cricket related websites all day. I have to something called ‘teaching’? But as I’m presently in the supply business, it means I can get home about 4pm, and then spend time browsing cricket related websites.

    Bobby K-It’s not dry at all. The apple makes it very moist. Please don’t question the moisture of my cakes again.

  11. I’m guessing you don’t teach math. Pray explain the diameter of an octogonal plate?

    I have a set of plates just like that made by Johnson Brothers. My plates at 271mm across at their widest and 255mm otherwise.

    I have just placed an entire 260mm diameter pumpkin pie on it which was left over from Thanksgiving but I have lost my camera.

  12. At last!

    a proper cricket report after all that other rubbish.
    I assume normal programing has now resumed?

  13. We’re all agreed then: the bits written by people other than us are the only reasons to visit this site.

  14. thesaurusrus-Pray explain why you can’t measure the diameter of a regular octagon?

    Fred Grace-The temptation to pick you up on any grammatical error, missing word or spelling mistake may now be too much to resist.

    Anyway, you’re both wrong. I’m a primary teacher so I teach both. The future is in my hands.

  15. Now, don’t take offence, KC.

    You’ve done some very nice stuff on bats in unusual places and crated Saffers. And I did like the Words of Hayden, even if I am an Aussie.

    It’s just that you’ve been a bit off recently.

  16. We ceased to take genuine offence long ago. For every piece that we write, at least a quarter of our readership outright hates it.

    As long as less than half of you are woefully disappointed, we’re doing our job.

  17. I live in USA now where maths = math. I had hoped the Thanksgiving pumpkin pie gave the game away.

  18. Bobby K. Certianly.

    350g of self raising flour
    A pinch of salt
    175g of chilled butter
    175g caster sugar
    125g of sultanas
    450g of cooking apples (although i’ve used other types of apple when the local co-op hasn’t had any)
    3 medium eggs

    Sift flour into a bowl and rub the butter in the mixture (This is much easier if you use a food processor). Stir in sugar, apples and sultanas.

    Fold in beaten eggs. It will look dry at this stage, but this is compensated by the apples. Spoon into a 20cm tin that is greased and lined.

    Bake for about an hour at 180c. Let it cool for about 10 minutes before turning out onto a rack.

    Given the quantity of fruit, and the relatively low level of sugar and butter, I consider this to be healthy. Well, as healthy as cakes can be.

  19. My friend Katie also thought, on reading the early part of this report, that it was about my household.

  20. Can’t believe there isn’t an inhabitant of Miriam’s house defending themself on here.

  21. Decent recipe. I particularly liked that the pinch of salt was omitted. I was at a bit of a loss about the apples, are they introduced whole or have they undergone some prior process?

    PS. Prior is as close as I will ever get to cricket.

    PPS. I’m not American. i’m over 50 years old and have long hair.

  22. Miriam and KC

    Isn’t that how all cricket loving households operate? We only moved in together in September. I’d assumed this was normal behaviour.

    Hope she dosen’t twig that it isn’t.

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