Shoaib Akhtar has genital warts

Press releases are rarely of this standard.

Lahore May 21, 2009: Mr. Shoaib Akhter was examined today by a Medical Board constituted by PCB for the purpose of Clinical assessment/Fitness due to his ongoing current ailment.

The Medical Board consists of following experts.

1. Professor Javed Raza Gardezi – Consultant Surgeon

2. Dr. Ijaz Hussain – Consultant Dermatologist

3. Dr. Riaz Ahmed – Sports Physician PCB

The Medical Board has reported that Shoaib Akhter was suffering from Genital Viral Warts and Electrofulgration was done on May 12, 2009. They further stated that his wound though healing needs further care and treatment for another minimum Ten days for the purpose of healing and to achieve skin cover. Medical Board further recommended his re-assessment after 10 days.

In accordance with the above program his re-assessment will be carried out on 1st week of June, 2009.In view of the above, PCB has requested ICC Technical Committee for the replacement

Shoaib may have thought that having his knob looked at by three different people was unnecessarily embarrassing, but having the PCB contact the world’s media with the details afterwards is a step further than that.

The PCB have called a press conference for Saturday, where they will put Shoaib on a pedestal in front of the cameras, drop his trousers and point at his bits.

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28 Appeals

  1. Being such a big knob himself, a genital infection could prove life threatening.

  2. I reckon this is why Shah Rukh Khan left the IPL early. He’s gone to the clap clinic.

  3. This is literally the best cricket story ever.

  4. I genuinely thought this was a spoof story until I realised the BBC is not that funny! Contracting genital warts is a serious matter for which The Rawalpindi Express should be openly ridiculed and castrated in equal measure! Howzat !

  5. Hee hee, poor Express. I did a quick search on electrofulguration, just to see if there were any pics I could post on your website. None, sadly. However, I did find that it is “a procedure for destroying tissue using an electric current.”

    Now, I know that the PCB is not your run-of-the-mill cricket board, but using an electric current on someone’s genitals sounds a bit Guantanamo Bay to me.

    Did they send this press release to you, King, or do you just have your RSS feed searching for anything on Shoaib Akhtar’s knob?

  6. Bert,

    I don’t care how he got it, but I will forever believe it to be the latter.

    Thank you.

  7. Maybe King has moles.

    He should probably get them looked at…

  8. The PCB always used to send us press releases. They sent too many.

    We told them never to send one again unless it was about Shoaib Akhtar contracting genital warts.

  9. It’ll be interesting to see how Shoiab plans to top this. Presumably he’ll have to stand for election or become an astronaut.

    Or do something really unexpected, like play a Test match.

  10. I am not at all happy about the mental image of open sores on Shoaib’s groin that is now indelibly imprinted on my brain. I need to go to look at pictures of kittens to cancel it out.

  11. It was all a misunderstanding and misprint:

  12. A note to the PCB: too much information. Way too much information.

  13. Miriam, it’s “destroying tissue with an electric current” that I’m having problems with.

  14. You really wouldn’t want to be the next doping inspector that has to take a urine sample.

  15. Sitanshu Shekhar

    May 21, 2009 at 10:57 pm

    Well, Shoaib has again be caught ball tampreing.

    In the end
    S Akhtar c Genital Warts b himself

  16. 1. What’s the similarity between a swiftly running daschund and Shoaib Akhtar’s bowling?

    Two short stubby legs and balls that swing both ways.

    2. Another fence in the never ending saga between the PCB and Shoaib. He just doesnt realize that to get his career going again, he must conform like hell to the average Pakistani mindset. With his flashy lifestyle, penchant for girls around the world, doing drugs and dope, he does not do himself any favours. And then PCB people donot like him and want to screw him. (Not sure that they shall do that after knowing about his warts et al)

    3. Whats happened to Shoaib’s marriage chances, BTW people….??? Any woman out there who would still sleep with him? Any of these women on King Cricket?

    4. How about an arranged marriage with a similarly affected girl?

    The possibilities and the jokes are endless.

  17. the librarian

    May 21, 2009 at 11:36 pm

    “to achieve skin cover”….. ugh.

  18. Electric current… genitals.. Did he have it done at Abu Ghraib?

  19. He should be quite rightfully banned!

    We don’t want to catch anything when Pakistan are screwing us again!

  20. This KC piece must be the best I have read so far on this news item.

    I have stated so on MTWD and cross-referenced in the thread I have stated there: Wart a Wonderful World,10535501

    Some worthwhile quips are springing up all over that thread too, like so many…..well anyway.

  21. Bert – poor performance on your part in the search for images, btw:

    Daisy will no doubt have some genuine intelligence on this matter, not least how electrofulguration really works. She’s more an acid or cryotherapy girl, herself, I am delighted to inform you.

  22. I didn’t say I couldn’t find any pictures, Ged, I said that I couldn’t find any pictures I could post on this website.

    I’ve looked at your pictures, especially the one that presumably WASN’T taken with a Canon SLR, and I stand by my initial statement.

  23. Gedd – you’ve messed up your link on MTWD to KC. Not that i am in the employ of the King – just one of his subjects – but you deserve electrofulgration for that balls up.

  24. one thing’s for sure, you’ll neversee sharukh khan like this ever before

  25. Apologies for the error and quite right to refer me for electrofulguration.

    Daisy says she can refer me to one of her colleagues who has the appropriate equipment and she assures me that it doesn’t hurt much.

  26. Error corrected BTW.

  27. Its so embarrassing, also for the readers as well, not to mention Shoaib. Shoaib has destroyed himself so completely. At the same time PCB did a very very wrong thing. It was too personal to be revealed and for his life Shoaib will feel embarrassed for that. PCB Chairman should be sacked for his decision to go public about Shoaib disease. He has destroyed his whole life. Every thing went wrong.

  28. Shoaib Akhter is great great great……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….bowler in cricket history.

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