Tag: Damien Martyn

What did Matthew Hayden call Damien Martyn?

Apparently Jimmy Anderson once hit Michael Clarke in the head with a pad because Clarke was being a knobhead. It’s a slightly disappointing story overall, but made faintly interesting by the subplots revolving around Damien Martyn.

Apparently, Jimmy was sitting in the changing rooms and Michael Clarke was giving off some sort of ill-defined arrogant vibe. Anderson told Martyn that he wanted to wrap a pad round the back of his head. Martyn told him to do it.

“I looked at him again as if to ask: ‘Are you sure?’

“‘Do it!’ he repeated.

“As I’d had a couple of beers, I didn’t need a second invitation.”

That sounds rather like he did need a second invitation to us, but whatever. Jimmy applied pad to head; people swore; nothing much happened.

However, clearly feeling like he was playing a blinder, it seems Damien Martyn later managed to get himself in some sort of argument with Matthew Hayden.

This seems fair enough to us, except for the fact that Hayden delivered the most outlandish insult we’ve ever heard – he called Martyn “the biggest wanker on the planet”.

Now, we could sort of forgive the error if someone else had said the same thing. But if you yourself are the biggest wanker on the planet, you KNOW the inaccuracy of what you are saying.

The gall of the man.

What’s Damien Martyn up to these days?

Yeah, we know Matthew Hayden’s retired again and that there’s a batch of nonsense to savour as a consequence. You can enjoy that without our having to contribute these days. Instead, we’ve got something new.

It’s Damien Martyn’s confusingly named ‘Marton Distribution’. Read their ‘about us‘ page before you go any further. Read all of it. You’ll be left with pretty much no idea what they actually do, but you’ll have a vague sense that it’s something worthy.

If the tension has been built, let us now dissipate it by telling you that Marton Distribution make mosquito repellent. Not just any mosquito repellent, however. This one is “literally light years ahead of its competition.”

In order to achieve this, “Marton Distribution has purposely formed strategic alliances with specific manufacturing organisations throughout the World.”

In other words, someone else is making it.

Mosquito repellent is worthwhile and as the bumpf repeatedly states, it does have the potential to save lives. We’ve no issue with the release of an innovative mosquito candle which produces a terrifying-sounding five metre plume that sends nearby mosquitos into a coma. What does strike us, however, is that it sounds like Marton Distribution is scrabbling round for an identity.

The ‘opportunities’ page is still under construction. We’ll keep you posted.

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