Tag: Stuart Clark

Mitchell Johnson and Stuart Clark reveal the extent of institutionalised avian molestation in Australia

“It’s interesting to see each other’s balls.”

So said Mitchell Johnson this week.

Apparently the Aussies have been discovering that the balls in England aren’t like the ones they’re used to back home.

Stuart Clark explained further:

“I think it’s just we’ve grown up playing with Kookaburras for so long that it takes a little bit of time to get used to their balls.”

But get used to them they will.

Kent want Stuart Clark fit and firing for the Ashes

Stuart Clark's lifetime ambition is to play for Kent for six weeksWhy else would Kent sign Stuart Clark other than to help him recover from injury and to help him get a few overs under his belt in English conditions? It’s perfect. How delightfully accommodating of them.

In the unlikely event that Kent come up against an England batsman in those first few weeks of the season, maybe they could do some extensive analysis of defects in said batsman’s technique and feed them to Clark for use in that vital County Championship fixture.

They could even make a polite request that he doesn’t share that information with any of his Aussie team mates. He’s a good sport. He’d honour a gentlemen’s agreement.

Alternatively, they could make him bowl 45 overs a day while he’s with them and then tell him that there’s A REAL DRAGON in Wales just before he sets off for the first Test.

Stuart Clark’s bowling average enters the realms of the credible

'I was better than Malcolm Marshall until today'There’s no problem picking five bowlers when one hits 87 and another hits 63.

There were some pretty expensive bowling figures knocking about after India finished their innings. Perhaps the nicest was Stuart Clark’s 0-92. Now we’ve nothing against Clark, but he shouldn’t be averaging under 20 with the ball. And now he doesn’t. And probably never will again.

A duck for Mike Hussey would help the part of our brain that gets ENRAGED about aberrant statistics to settle down again. We’ve barely slept in the last two years, worrying about it all.

Funny how English players have averages that make people go: ‘He’s better than that implies’ and Australian players have averages that make them go: ‘Now that’s misleading. He’s not quite that good.’

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