10

Gossip from day one of New Zealand v England

Bowled on 6th March, 2013 at 13:26 by
Category: England cricket news, Ian Botham, New Zealand

Are you a cricket writer working for a national newspaper? Are you struggling to find something to write after day one of the first Test between New Zealand and England was washed out?

Have no fear, after spending almost a full minute looking at photos on Cricinfo, we can exclusively bring you all the gossip.

  1. Kevin Pietersen was spotted travelling on the most selfish form of transport in the world, spurring rumours of further ructions in the England camp.
  2. Brendon McCullum was seen spending time with his family. The existence of an actual family raises serious questions as to whether McCullum feels that the New Zealand cricket team are ‘like family’ – something all captains are obliged to think. This revelation is even more damning when you consider that the New Zealand cricket team frequently features his brother.
  3. There was a rare sighting of reserve umpire Chris Gaffaney. Everybody was thrilled.

Finally, in related news, this happened.

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  1. Reply
    sam   //   March 6th, 2013 at 16:27

    Oh God. I was not ready for that related news. It hurt my eyes.

  2. Reply
    Deep Cower   //   March 6th, 2013 at 16:39

    In the event of a wash out, are we allowed to talk about the previous test? Not the actual cricket itself – who needs that? But a certain gem that seems to have gone unnoticed. No idea what I mean? Okay, let me paint you a picture.

    Imagine you’ve just gotten married, and scored a double century for your country in a winning cause and won the MoM award. You’re pretty much on top of the world. I mean, there’s literally TONS of things you can say to further build up your image. TONS. And yet young Pujara went with the following combination of words:

    “There was a bit of pressure on me. I just got married, and my wife was worried I should perform”.

    Oh, Cheteshwar.

    • King Cricket   //   March 6th, 2013 at 16:44

      There are some things for which a double hundred is no substitute.

    • sam   //   March 6th, 2013 at 16:47

      He certainly knows how to wield the willow.

      Is this my coat?

    • Ged   //   March 6th, 2013 at 18:27

      Through silly point. No more than a gentle push, really and Pujara takes a quick one.

  3. Reply
    wolf   //   March 6th, 2013 at 23:03

    4/64 on day two, looks like their South African is bowling better than your South Africans can bat…

    • daneel   //   March 6th, 2013 at 23:18

      You can’t take 64 wickets in one innings.

  4. Reply
    daneel   //   March 7th, 2013 at 01:09

    Dare we hope that this test match can do to Broad’s career what the last First Test in New Zealand did to Hoggard’s? Might be a bit harsh, given he hasn’t bowled yet, but it’s only a matter of (not very much) time. Clutching at straws? Anyway, I look foward to McCullum and Taylor putting on 200 in a total of 400 plus and an innings defeat in 3 days.

    This is a miserably pathetic performance. A fucking shambles.

    • brad   //   March 7th, 2013 at 05:17

      As a NZ support, i still expect NZ to lose this test.

  5. Reply
    labrat   //   March 7th, 2013 at 01:27

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/cricket/8395120/Beefy-Bothams-magic-NZ-tour

    More gossip for you, NZ journalism strikes again.

    Not at Nandos tho’.

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