Gossip from day one of New Zealand v England

Are you a cricket writer working for a national newspaper? Are you struggling to find something to write after day one of the first Test between New Zealand and England was washed out?

Have no fear, after spending almost a full minute looking at photos on Cricinfo, we can exclusively bring you all the gossip.

  1. Kevin Pietersen was spotted travelling on the most selfish form of transport in the world, spurring rumours of further ructions in the England camp.
  2. Brendon McCullum was seen spending time with his family. The existence of an actual family raises serious questions as to whether McCullum feels that the New Zealand cricket team are ‘like family’ – something all captains are obliged to think. This revelation is even more damning when you consider that the New Zealand cricket team frequently features his brother.
  3. There was a rare sighting of reserve umpire Chris Gaffaney. Everybody was thrilled.

Finally, in related news, this happened.

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10 Appeals

  1. Oh God. I was not ready for that related news. It hurt my eyes.

  2. In the event of a wash out, are we allowed to talk about the previous test? Not the actual cricket itself – who needs that? But a certain gem that seems to have gone unnoticed. No idea what I mean? Okay, let me paint you a picture.

    Imagine you’ve just gotten married, and scored a double century for your country in a winning cause and won the MoM award. You’re pretty much on top of the world. I mean, there’s literally TONS of things you can say to further build up your image. TONS. And yet young Pujara went with the following combination of words:

    “There was a bit of pressure on me. I just got married, and my wife was worried I should perform”.

    Oh, Cheteshwar.

  3. 4/64 on day two, looks like their South African is bowling better than your South Africans can bat…

  4. Dare we hope that this test match can do to Broad’s career what the last First Test in New Zealand did to Hoggard’s? Might be a bit harsh, given he hasn’t bowled yet, but it’s only a matter of (not very much) time. Clutching at straws? Anyway, I look foward to McCullum and Taylor putting on 200 in a total of 400 plus and an innings defeat in 3 days.

    This is a miserably pathetic performance. A fucking shambles.

  5. http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/cricket/8395120/Beefy-Bothams-magic-NZ-tour

    More gossip for you, NZ journalism strikes again.

    Not at Nandos tho’.

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