England win or lose to New Zealand

This is how you write a match report: a week early.

England put on a staggering/staggeringly inept performance against New Zealand yesterday, after a topsy-turvy/one-sided contest in which English cricket/New Zealand cricket/cricket/the weather was the only winner.

James Anderson opened the bowling and delivered a virtuoso performance/a never-ending supply of juicy half-volleys.

England’s top order once again failed woefully/scored far too slowly.

Brendon McCullum hit five sixes before holing out/two sixes before holing out/a six before holing out.

Dimitri Mascarenhas hit four sixes/Jacob Oram with a brutish lifter/the dressing room wall in frustration/Ian Bell in frustration.

Paul Collingwood said after the match: “We’re a developing side and I’m confident we’re still moving forward. Some players are still settling into their roles and when that happens I’m sure we’ll be a difficult team to beat.”

Weird that there’s no options for that last one.

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2 Appeals

  1. Dimitri Mascarenhas hit four sixes/Jacob Oram with a brutish lifter/the dressing room wall in frustration/Ian Bell in frustration/Ian Bell for a laugh, well you would too wouldn’t you? Go on admit it, I bet you would.

    Surprisingly inaccurate in the end KC… good effort though.

  2. Never mind, just recycle it for the second ODI.

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