This is how you write a match report: a week early.
England put on a staggering/staggeringly inept performance against New Zealand yesterday, after a topsy-turvy/one-sided contest in which English cricket/New Zealand cricket/cricket/the weather was the only winner.
James Anderson opened the bowling and delivered a virtuoso performance/a never-ending supply of juicy half-volleys.
England’s top order once again failed woefully/scored far too slowly.
Brendon McCullum hit five sixes before holing out/two sixes before holing out/a six before holing out.
Dimitri Mascarenhas hit four sixes/Jacob Oram with a brutish lifter/the dressing room wall in frustration/Ian Bell in frustration.
Paul Collingwood said after the match: “We’re a developing side and I’m confident we’re still moving forward. Some players are still settling into their roles and when that happens I’m sure we’ll be a difficult team to beat.”
Weird that there’s no options for that last one.