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A second Shiv

There will only ever be one Shiv - mankind simply can't spare sufficient elbows for a second

For all that cricket is a team game, West Indies are only one Shiv away from being literally unbeatable. England basically took wickets at one end only throughout this match and Marlon Samuels gave an indication what would happen were a second Shivnarine Chanderpaul to come to the crease.

In that situation, West Indies would always have something to bowl at (eventually) and their bowling really isn’t that bad. There’s actually a case for saying they’d have this match firmly under control if they’d won the toss.

However, they didn’t win the toss and so they find themselves defending 191. We think they should have played a spinner. Particularly against England. You should always play a spinner. Particularly against England.

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Count Cricket’s county cricket round-up – May 20th

Good day to you. I am Count Cricket. This week I was at Edgbaston where batting conditions were so friendly even Lancashire passed 300. Following a draw, Warwickshire remain top of the table.

One of the most notable performances was that of Rikki Clarke. During one of my visits to the toilets, I heard the crowd roar as he passed 100 for the second time this season. Coincidentally, I was in the same location when King Cricket’s player to watch, Paul James Horton, reached a match-saving hundred later in the match.

Very shortly after that, an incident led to my departing the ground in some haste. Exhausted, I took a well-earned rest a short distance away and only awoke when a van delivered some batches of newspapers to a nearby shop in the early hours. I reasoned that the shopkeeper would happily permit me a bale of newspapers to use as insulation, but following a melee I emerged with but a single page. Scrutinising it, I noticed that a gentleman named Stuart Christopher Meaker had taken 8-52 for Surrey against Somerset. This warmed my heart, but not my fingers.

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Andrew Strauss and his cravings for nonsense

Andrew Strauss dispatches the ball and thoughts of nonsense

Andrew Strauss is so painfully sensible, he’s allowed to engage in a bit of nonsense every now and again. Over the last year or so, he’s tended to crave nonsense round about the point that he’s scored 22 runs in a Test match.

“The underpants are ironed, the silverware’s nicely buffed – I feel like indulging myself,” he says and promptly aims a wild drive at a wide one. He did this yesterday, but for once he missed it. He then got right back down to the business of being jolly sensible again.

England’s fifth-best batsman didn’t make too many other mistakes yesterday. There’ll always be a few when you bat all day, but in general he didn’t try to hit deliveries which had a good chance of getting him out and he hit enough of the other ones to get over a hundred runs. England fans tend to take such things for granted these days, but they shouldn’t.

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Luke Pomersbach’s done something else

When we saw that Luke Pomersbach had been accused of molesting an American woman before punching her fiancĂ©, we thought ‘Luke Pomersbach has done something else’ – but we couldn’t remember what.

Luke Pomersbach HAS done something else. He’s been involved in two stories you’d think we’d have remembered without recourse to the search box of our own website. He’s been plucked out of the crowd to play for Australia despite being banned for piss-artistry and he’s bulldozed a giant bin into a house in his Toyota Prado while indulging said piss-artistry.

Not sure whether piss-artistry was involved in this latest story, but he was “partying” apparently. It’s hard to party without a snifter of brandy.

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So this is England v West Indies

Stuart Broad riding his imaginary unicorn

Like salt and pepper chicken wings from a tried and tested Chinese takeaway, today’s play was hugely enjoyable and entirely predictable – although it was far less likely to result in heart problems later in life.

Mad swing from Jimmy Anderson early on, promising starts from a couple of Windies batsmen and Shivnarinian obduracy for most of the day. This is how we all imagined the Test series and this is what it has delivered.

There were also six wickets for Stuart Broad, which wasn’t quite so predictable. Despite that, we have little to say about it. We’ll go with: well bowled, good perseverance and stop asking for reviews. That pretty much sums things up.

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