The Mongoose cricket bat means business

Specifically, it intends to attend meetings and conferences, do Powerpoint presentations and take care of ‘the bottom line’. Whatever that might mean.

The Mongoose: all about ongoing sustainable business growth in Q3

The Mongoose is a cricket bat that looks like it’s got a ridiculously long handle, but actually it’s just that the main bit’s shorter.

The thinking is that batsmen don’t really use the top of the bat for runs, so why not remove it and stick it on the back to give greater leverage and more power.

The inventor, the improbably named Marcus Codrington Fernandez, says:

“From the moment I first imagined this game-changing weapon, ensuring the bat was within both the spirit and laws of the game has been amongst our top priorities.”

Stuart Law’s going to give the Mongoose its first official test. He doesn’t at all go over the top in describing the bat as “a weapon of mass destruction”.

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38 Appeals

  1. Looking at it, I can’t escape the feeling that anyone who uses one automatically becomes the biggest twat in the world.

  2. Law has given the bat a test.. he called for it during his innings of 42 against Durham.. he was on 32 when he called for it.. he faced another 6 balls, scored 10, and hit a six over midwicket using the mongoose..

    I say thats a good start for the bat..

  3. ‘Calling for the mongoose’ should be done in a certain way. Stand with legs apart, hands on hips, pause for an expectant hush amongst the many dozens of spectators, then issue a mighty cry, Brian Blessed style- “twelfth man, bring me… THE MONGOOSE!”

  4. King Cricket

    May 28, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    Anyone who disagrees with that comment is banned from this site and indeed the whole of the internet forthwith.

  5. that’s ridiculous. I’m getting sick of these people. Take your development and shove it up your ass, you cocksuckers. Fuck you.

    *does pushup*

    AAAAAAAAAAAGH

  6. Enough of these new bats. When are bowlers going to get a different type of ball maybe made of kryptonite they can pull out mid-over?

  7. Top comment, Alex.

    I just have a big problem with his use of the word “weapon”, followed by his use of the words “spirit and laws of the game”. These don’t seem to be mutually consistent, unless it’s a completely different version of the game he has been watching, one involving more Shaun Udals.

    However, taking him at his word, I am quite sure that my mum would find the Mongoose better balanced and easier to use than her current old DF Attack when confronting any burglar idiotic enough to break in to her house.

  8. “Calling for the mongoose” sounds like a positively filthy euphemism.

    What it might be a euphemism for is left as an exercise for the reader.

  9. All very enjoyable – top stuff Alex.

    I cant wait for the ‘mongoose moment’ Will they make a feature on the PA system – a special fanfare perhaps. It could be brought on by the twelfth man accompanied by a troop of dancing girls?

  10. What’s next I ask ya? Probably a handle only (to reduce the weight or whatever and sponsor Glenn McGrath! Then call it……. “The Duck”

  11. As I suspected, the mongoose is want to hold both its paws in front of its neck, like so:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Mongoose_-_Project_Gutenberg_eBook_11921.jpg

    It should therefore be for the umpire to call for a batsman’s mongoose, using the above gesture, combined with a rodent-like expression on the face.

    Not that the mongoose is a rodent of course, the herpestidae family is more closely related to cats, whcih should make them very popular around here.

    Lawrence, of course, should call for his own mongoose in precisely the manner described by Alex.

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  13. What next ?
    Squash racket shaped cricket bats with a large sweet spot like ??
    May add two tyres and wheelies.

  14. I mean,
    May be add two tyres and do wheelies.

  15. I think we should go further than Alex’s proposal and actually give Brian Blessed a cameo role in cricket.

    So the batsman signals to the balcony that he wants the Mongoose brought out by holding his hands up behind his ears to imitate the antlers (- all other hand gestures have pretty much been used up now to signify powerplays, TV referrals etc). At which point, Brian Blessed runs on to the outfield with a microphone and bellows, “Bring out the Mongoose” to the backdrop of some 80s power ballad.

    Cricket doesn’t need cheerleaders a la IPL……..cricket needs Brian Blessed.

  16. King Cricket

    May 29, 2009 at 11:05 am

    There’s nothing that wouldn’t be improved by the addition of Brian Blessed.

    A friend of ours had an idea for a sitcom where Brian Blessed and Patrick Stewart were a gay couple who lived together and had domestic disputes about household chores.

    It would be the best television programme in history.

  17. Sounds like Steven Fry would slot nicely into your sitcom too.

  18. Could Brian Blessed perhaps re-use his costume from Flash Gordon?

  19. I like your friend’s TV programme idea, KC, but taking into account your first statement, I think it would be improved by replacing Patrick Stewart with Brian Blessed. They’d have to use the magic of television to do it, but the result – Brian Blessed in a domestically strained gay relationship with Brian Blessed – the possibilities for shouting-based comedy would be endless.

  20. I’d say Mr Blessed should wear his cotsume from Ultimate Banzuke

    If you have never seen this TV show, google Banzuke Brian.

    It’s brilliant

  21. The Mongoose Bat is not a seroius cricket bat.

    A batsman cannot seriously expect to defend quick bowling and play text book strokes with it.

    It just a plank to swing at the ball in 20/20.

    Stuart Law didn’t even start with it.

  22. I can’t wait until the episode where Brian waddles onto the set in down-filled suit, mountaineering boots and over-sized rucksack, (cue laugh track and mugging to camera) and informs an incredulous patrick stewart that he’s going to make another attempt on everest. Priceless!

  23. Is it even legal? Their website goes on about how it has the splice in the handle rather than in the blade. Law 6, on the other hand, says: “One end of the handle is inserted into a recess in the blade as a means of joining the handle and the blade.”

    So I think the MCC are wrong, and am planning a protest march on St John’s Wood next week.

  24. How far up his arse could Marcus Codrington Fernandez shove the handle of the Mongoose?

  25. I think the Brian Blessed cry should be “bring FORTH the Mongoose”.

    Such a gesture needs at least one word of antiquated language to give it the requisite gravitas.

  26. I think Law didn’t start with the Mongoose as it’s a lot easier to get your eye in with a regular bat and then switch to the shorter Mongoose blade.

    Has anyone here used either of the Mongoose bats yet?

  27. “Calling for the Mongoose” is clearly now the officially accepted term:

    http://www.cricinfo.com/wt20page2/content/story/408130.html

  28. I wonder if the Mongoose will still be around in a year or whether this was just the world’s best PR job on launching a new cricket brand?

  29. Why is low scoring game no longer considered exciting ?

    Why must the bat dominate the ball ?

    Was it not exciting to see Shane Warne and Phil Tuffnell bamboozal batsmen ?

    Ok its great to see KP smack the ball out of the ground but is cricket not in danger of becoming a six hitting contest?

  30. who cares is it does become a six hitting contest.
    providing the batsmen still play the propper shots and they do not play rediculous shots across line all the time.

    the mongoose still allows you to play decent textbook shots. it only limits you when playing a back footed defensive shot because of the handle length.

    i play in the surrey downs league div 1.

    i have a mongoose MMI3 which i used for the first time at the weekend. the amount of power you get from the bat is amazing.

    i played a standard foreward defensive block, the ball pinged off the bat past the bowler for 4.

    being used to holding a heavy large bat (BIG KAHUNA)
    i found the bat speed i had alot quicker, it feels like your swinging a golf club it feels so light.

    all in all im very impresse with the bat.
    more people should try it in regular league cricket.

  31. The Mongoose is a bog standard Indian made bat with the shoulders removed, the splice is bog standard but not visable because of the lower blade. It picks up badly, has a far smaller sweet spot, is pressed poorly, far too costly and exists due to marketing rather than need.

  32. The Mongoose is an ENGLISH bat, made from Grade 1 English willow in ENGLAND! It is not an Indian bat! The sweet spot is also twice the size of a conventional bat- not smaller. Get your facts right people! Use one- you’d be converted! This is not a marketing gimmick- it’s the real deal! This time next year, every pro will be using one!

  33. You can visit the factory in Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire if you wish to see a bat being made. But calling it a bog standard Indian bat is grossly untrue.

  34. I have to hand it to Mongoose their publicity machine just keeps on rolling.

    Will they develop into a leading brand or are they another woodworm?

  35. I wish for a rocket powered cricket ball, where the bowlers can get an inswinging yorker at 2000 mph. When that wish is answered,the batsman can have mongoose bats.

  36. I see Hayden for CSK will be using it

    Come on the GOOSE!!!

  37. Hayden would score runs with a broom handle!

  38. With Hayden super-flopping with the Mongoose bat, can we expect the insane price of the bat to come down? It does look a stylish weapon when compared to the baseball bat that I use to scare off the skunks in my backyard; but the baseball bat costs much lesser.

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