Alastair Cook further extends the time between dismissals against Australia

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Alastair Cook will be performing his work throughout December

Alastair Cook is in a Vaughanian run of form down under. When he was batting with Jonathan Trott, it was a case of ‘the bowlers may change, but the batsmen remain the same’.

Was it the Ashes or some sort of Cook-Trott conceptual art? Can you detect the passage of time if there are no landmarks along the way? It’s daytime at night at the moment and whenever you turn on the telly – whatever day, whatever week – there’s Alastair Cook. Time no longer has meaning.

Cook should call his work ‘Australian Purgatory’. We’ve been in worse places.

Australia’s grass-is-greener selection policy could lead to Ryan Harris being replaced by Rolf by the end of the series if this carries on.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. I think its something to do with his eyeliner. But I can’t tell you how just yet, I’m working on some secret experiments.

  2. Certainly helped us to sleep soundly last night. And much of the TTNT community by the looks of it.

    The innings, I mean. Not Marzipan’s experiments. The thought of Marzipan’s experiments might help keep us awake for the runfest tonight.

  3. Sorry – That half a bottle of Amarone kicked in again immediately after the Strauss dismissal. My brain was probably using the chemical effect as a self-protection mechanism as it (the brain) foresaw the imminent England collapse.
    I will try harder tonght.

    I’m also looking forward to Marzipan’s eyeliner experiments. Urban Decay cosmetics do something called Eye-liner potion which keeps everything in place all day without too much of a panda eye effect developing at the close of play. But I’m sure it still wouldn’t be up to scoring a century in the Adelaide heat while loking immaculately made up.

  4. Alastair Cook.

    Lord Megachief of Gold?

    It sounds all wrong, but right now he must look to the Australians like a foppy-haired Shiv Chanderpaul.

  5. My experiments are complete. They have NOTHING to do with his batting skills. Absolutely nothing. Nada. Nuuuuthing. AT all.

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